An official report has confirmed what anyone living within earshot of Heathrow already knew: building a third runway will be terrible for the health of up to 3 million nearby residents. The analysis, prepared for the Department for Transport by consultants Aecom, found the expansion could have “major adverse” impacts on the most local population, affecting not just noise and air quality but also access to housing, education, healthcare, open space, and transport. Water quality, community identity, landscapes, townscapes, and climate change mitigation will also take a hit. On the bright side, it might be good for jobs, income, education, skills, and training - assuming you can still hear yourself think.

Transport Secretary Heidi Alexander framed the consultation as “a positive step towards realising the benefits of a third runway,” while Chancellor Rachel Reeves - who is apparently betting her career on it - boasted that “by the time of the next election, there are spades in the ground.” The plan, estimated at £33bn, would require moving the M25 motorway and compulsorily purchasing about 800 homes. Heathrow’s chief executive Thomas Woldbye called it “progress,” which is one word for bulldozing neighbourhoods and adding up to 756,000 flights and 150 million passengers a year.

Not everyone is thrilled. Paul McGuinness of the No 3rd Runway Coalition described the plans as “lurching towards farce” and predicted a “decade of destruction.” Celeste Hick of the Aviation Environment Federation accused the government of rushing policy through “with very little meaningful consultation with the very people” who will pay the price - namely, communities under flight paths and those whose homes will be destroyed or rendered uninhabitable. But hey, at least the airlines will have somewhere new to lose your luggage.