The Guardian Europe
Lula Wins Fourth Term After Stunning Comeback, Because Apparently Democracy Still Works
Lula defeats Flávio Bolsonaro in a historic comeback, because apparently democracy still has a few tricks up its sleeve.
The Guardian Europe
The Guardian
Serbia Votes as Vučić Faces Students, Chekhov's Rifle, and the Threat of Actually Being Held Accountable
Serbia goes to the polls as Aleksandar Vučić faces a decentralised student movement that has somehow turned a concrete canopy collapse into a genuine political challenge - and no one, including the students, seems entirely sure what happens next.
BBC Politics
Government to Spend £1bn on Housing, Devolve Powers, and Maybe Finally Fix the Potholes
The government is throwing £1bn at housing, devolving powers to mayors, and supporting small breweries - because nothing says 'fixing the housing crisis' like a pint.
The Guardian Europe
Chancellor Allocates £7m to Study Whether Northern England Can Handle the Olympics (Spoiler: It's Complicated)
Chancellor John Healey drops £7m to study if northern England can host the Olympics in the 2040s - because nothing says 'fiscal prudence' like spending millions to potentially spend billions.
The Guardian Europe
Levelling Up Projects Still Not Level, Years After Funds Allocated
Most levelling up projects remain unfinished years after funding, proving that 'levelling up' was more of a slogan than a schedule.
BBC World
Judge Rules Milei's Crypto Scandal Not Technically a Crime, Which Is Apparently How Law Works Now
Judge dismisses case against Argentina's president because apparently promoting a crypto that crashed isn't technically illegal - just rude.
BBC Politics
Government Advises Stockpiling Beans and Water, Because Apparently That's Where We Are Now
Government tells Brits to stockpile beans and water for emergencies, while ministers admit they haven't done it themselves and debate the merits of wine and Twiglets.
The Guardian
Trump Tells Iowa Crowd He Encouraged Ramaswamy's Attack Ad, Because Nothing Says 'Midterm Blitz' Like Defending the Indefensible
Trump tells Iowa rally he encouraged Ramaswamy to keep running an attack ad featuring the mother of his rival - a woman whose daughter was raped at 12 - because why let a little thing like decency get in the way of politics?
BBC World
Zuckerberg Wins Meta Deal to Help Him Foot Bill for Billionaire Tax He Might Owe
Meta gives Zuckerberg more shares to offset a potential $10bn California billionaire tax, because apparently $200bn isn't enough to cover a 5% levy.
BBC Health
MI5 Spent 20 Years Surveilling the Guy Who Gave Britain the NHS, Files Reveal
Newly released files reveal MI5 surveilled NHS founder Nye Bevan for over 20 years, only to conclude the whole thing was 'remarkably tame.'
The Guardian
Trump Applauds Rally Punch, Calls Supporter 'The Real Deal Holyfield' - Because Nothing Says 'Law and Order' Like Praising a Sucker Punch
Trump praises a supporter who allegedly punched a protester, compares him to Evander Holyfield, and calls it 'courage' - meanwhile, suspicious letters with white powder target Congress and Aipac stops endorsements.
BBC Business
Civil Servant Denies Fraud, Blames Stress, PTSD, and Apparently White Makeup
A civil servant accused of earning £284k by juggling five full-time jobs says he made mistakes but had no criminal intent - and denies everything, including the white makeup incident.
BBC World
France Plays Blame Game After Riots, Because Nothing Says Unity Like a Good Finger-Pointing Festival
France's riots spark a blame game where everyone's pointing fingers and no one's sweeping up the glass - or the underlying issues.
The Guardian
Sister of Murdered MP Jo Cox to Australia: Maybe Try Not Stabbing Yours
Jo Cox's sister suggests Australia use the attack on Helen Haines as a moment to find common ground, while a vigil is held in Wodonga and the alleged attacker faces court.
The Guardian Europe
France Discovers Curfews Work, Italy Discovers Sending 500 Troops to Milan Also Works, Sweden Still Without Government
France finds that curfews calm things down, Italy sends 500 troops to Milan, Sweden still can't form a government, and Macron buys diesel from the Gulf - all while Corsica floods.
The Guardian
Trump Discovers France, Immediately Blames Migrants and Communists for Everything
Trump and the GOP have found their new midterm strategy: pointing at France and yelling "migrants!" while ignoring actual French grievances like fuel prices and underfunded schools.
The Guardian
Reform MPs Miraculously Unavailable After ITV Racism Exposé, Leaving One Man to Defend the Indefensible
After ITV's exposé on endemic racism and misogyny in Reform, every MP went mysteriously missing - leaving failed byelection candidate Matt Goodwin to defend the party's honour alone.
The Guardian Europe
Macron Rejects Resignation of Police Chief Who Admitted Losing Control, Because Nothing Says Accountability Like a Promotion
Macron keeps his interior minister because nothing says "we're handling it" like refusing a resignation after 2,400 arrests and admitting the police lost control.
The Guardian
Labor Promises $30 Weekly Transport Cap, Because Nothing Says 'Vote for Us' Like a Discount With an Expiry Date
Victoria's Labor government promises a $30 weekly public transport cap that costs $206m, lasts two years, and conveniently begins the day after half-price fares end. The Greens want free travel; the opposition wants credit.
The Hill
Airlines Officially Relieved of Responsibility for Things They Were Never Really Responsible For
The DOT's new rule reclassifies 10 types of flight disruptions as not the airline's fault, because apparently being blamed for cancellations was hurting carriers' feelings - and their bottom line.
The Good Times
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