Every dating app has its gimmick. Hinge is earnest. Tinder is horny. Feeld is kinky. And Bumble - with its women-message-first rule - was supposed to be the feminist one. That dream officially died Tuesday when the company announced men can now message women first, confirming what many suspected all along: no app can fix the messy, exhausting reality of modern romance.

Whitney Wolfe Herd launched Bumble in 2014 with a noble goal: give women the power to initiate, thereby avoiding the aggressive men plaguing other apps. The idea was that women would feel empowered, and men would be enlightened, waiting patiently to be chosen. It was a lovely fantasy while it lasted. But Bumble's own survey found that two-thirds of female users would prefer not to make the first move. Younger women, in particular, said the pressure was too much. Some were fed up with men who put in little effort. Others just wanted to toss the conversational hot potato back where it belongs - into the laps of the guys.

This news came as no surprise to anyone who's actually used a dating app lately. When Bumble launched, dating apps still felt revolutionary. Men were enthusiastic - sometimes too enthusiastic, sending a deluge of messages or, worse, entitled screeds. Now we're in an era of dating listlessness. No one seems eager to make a move. Apps have become homework: mindlessly opened between tasks, half-heartedly responded to, then forgotten until the next week.

The gender dynamics have shifted too. Bumble assumed men are natural chasers and women are their reward. But in my reporting on singlehood, women don't complain about being bombarded with messages. They complain about being the ones constantly seeking, only to get an apathetic shrug. Men seem less engaged - maybe they're isolated, scrolling social media, playing video games, or gambling online instead of prioritizing romance. Maybe they lost social skills during the pandemic. Maybe they're scared of overstepping or going viral as a screenshot of a bad pickup line. Or maybe something deeper has changed: women no longer need men as desperately, so the old rules of pursuit are obsolete. Without a clear playbook, everyone just wants the other person to do the work.

I'm not mourning the 'women message first' rule, though. Bumble was always a Band-Aid for deeper wounds: an online-dating ecosystem with little accountability, a society marred by misogyny where the worst problems women face go far beyond a bad opener. Bumble cut nearly a third of its staff a year ago, and its share price has dropped 57 percent since then. New features - like a chastising note for people who send lazy openers - are just more superficial fixes. The age of app optimism is over.

Still, I'll keep using dating apps. A virtual conversation, no matter who starts it, can go south fast - or lead somewhere interesting and beautiful. The first hello was always just the beginning.