Palantir CEO Alex Karp, who helms a company named after the evil seeing-stones from Lord of the Rings, has co-authored a book called “The Technological Republic.” In a move that surprised no one, the company posted a 22-point summary that reads like a corporate manifesto, blending weird reactionary vibes with the energy of a 2010s Reddit comment.
We’ve taken the liberty of translating Karp’s 22 alien points into something more reasonable, like words a human might use. The exercise made us deeply sympathetic to why philosopher Jurgen Habermas reportedly refused to supervise Karp’s doctoral research.
1. Silicon Valley owes a moral debt to the country that made its rise possible and has an obligation to participate in national defense.
Translation: Silicon Valley has an enormous opportunity to extract as much money from federal defense contracts as possible. To do this, we will bring back a draft for engineers. Deepfaked teenagers, low-paid gig workers, and victims of the Rohingya Genocide need not apply.
2. We must rebel against the tyranny of the apps.
Translation: We can’t say “we wanted flying cars, instead we got 140 characters” anymore because Elon Musk lets you write essays on Twitter now. Though if you thought apps were tyrannical, wait until you get a load of us.
3. Free email is not enough. A culture will be forgiven its decadence only if it delivers economic growth and security.
Translation: People are mad at tech billionaires. Instead of winning them over with free services, we’re gonna sell software that lets the government spy on them while we demand tax cuts.
4. The limits of soft power have been exposed. Prevailing requires hard power, built on software.
Translation: Words and feelings are free, which is why we want to sell weapons. Nobody got rich suing for peace.
5. The question is not whether A.I. weapons will be built; it is who will build them and for what purpose.
Translation: If our enemies have no oversight, why should we? The future is an AI battlefield. The government is not coming to save you - we are. Welcome to the 21st century: safety not guaranteed.
6. National service should be a universal duty.
Translation: We’re going to bring back the draft. Our vision of permanent war only works if we courageously volunteer people 40 years younger than us to die for oil.
7. If a U.S. Marine asks for a better rifle, we should build it; and the same goes for software.
Translation: Sure, those wimps at Anthropic are selling an AI that spots cybersecurity vulnerabilities. But we will kill anybody you want with our software guns.
8. Public servants need not be our priests. The federal government compensates its employees poorly.
Translation: We care about wages - which is why we think Washington’s revolving door of lobbying should be way more lucrative. There are mountains of cash for people who will look the other way.
9. We should show far more grace towards those who have subjected themselves to public life.
Translation: If you made fun of that video where our CEO looks like he’s on cocaine, you’re responsible for the rise of fascism. Also, be nicer to multimillionaires who go on podcasts.
10. The psychologization of modern politics is leading us astray.
Translation: Society must stop centering sensitive crybabies who want to feel validated by politicians. Also, I feel strongly that Zohran Mamdani is a pagan who is going to Wicker Man me.
11. Our society has grown too eager to hasten the demise of its enemies.
Translation: Your quote-dunking on that video of our CEO yelling about how Palantir must “scare our enemies and, on occasion, kill them” was snide and uncalled-for.
12. The atomic age is ending. A new era of deterrence built on A.I. is set to begin.
Translation: History has rendered no complex judgments on the nuclear arms race, so let’s repeat it. Why spend money on nuclear safety when you can fund AI instead? The atomic bomb is so last century.
13. No other country in history has advanced progressive values more than this one.
Translation: We canceled our internal DEI programs but we’re fully prepared to steal valor from everyone in US history who fought to make it a more perfect union.
14. American power has made possible an extraordinarily long peace.
Translation: We’ll conveniently leave out all the regional and secret wars the US has engaged in or the fact that Trump recently derailed the world economy by launching a war of aggression. We will not elaborate on what “next war” Point Six was talking about.
15. The postwar neutering of Germany and Japan must be undone.
Translation: We can definitely sell software to a militarized Germany and Japan too!
16. We should applaud those who attempt to build where the market has failed.
Translation: Elon Musk is our sin eater. Also, if you raise too many doubts about his IPO, my friends and I are going to lose a lot of money.
17. Silicon Valley must play a role in addressing violent crime.
Translation: Federal government money is nice, but are we tapping state and local? Sure, violent crime is on a huge downswing statistically, but that’s not what we’ve been seeing in our “VC lives matter” groupchats. Also, we’re still mad about New Orleans killing our secret precrime detection program back in 2018.
18. The ruthless exposure of the private lives of public figures drives talent away from government.
Translation: The most corrupt people in government who stand to make us the most money are getting exposed for their shady deals and harassment. How dare you not give these ghouls grace when they keep buying our shit? Truly great men are beyond question.
19. The caution in public life that we unwittingly encourage is corrosive.
Translation: People are unfairly using the public communications platforms that we mine for mass surveillance to complain about our open bloodthirstiness and crypto-fascism.
20. The pervasive intolerance of religious belief in certain circles must be resisted.
Translation: We’re sick of people saying our cofounder is weird for believing that regular people can be possessed by demons from another dimension.