In a development that surprises absolutely no one who's been paying attention, Police Scotland has confirmed it's looking into the time Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell, and Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor spent at Balmoral, the king's private estate in Scotland. Detectives are investigating, and the force says it has received "information" and that the inquiry is at a "very early stage." Translation: they've just opened the file and are still figuring out where to put the sticky notes.

The Daily Express reported that the inquiries relate to claims that women were trafficked to the estate. Pictures previously released by the US Department of Justice appear to show Mountbatten-Windsor and Epstein on a shooting trip at Balmoral - because nothing says "innocent country weekend" like a photo op with a convicted sex offender.

A Police Scotland spokesperson offered the standard-issue statement: "We have received information and active inquiries are ongoing, but these are at a very early stage. All inquiries are evidence-led, with the needs of victim survivors at the heart of those inquiries. We would never confirm details of ongoing inquiries and it would be inappropriate to comment further." In other words: yes, we're looking into it; no, we won't tell you anything else; please stop asking.

It's not just Scotland, either. Several forces - Thames Valley police, the Metropolitan police, and Surrey police - also have live investigations linked to the release of the Epstein files, according to the National Police Chiefs' Council. An NPCC spokesperson said: "Identifying any further potential offending, suspects, victims or witnesses is a complex process and will take time, but UK policing remains committed to carrying out a meticulous assessment of the material released by the US Department of Justice." The NPCC added that there is not currently a national investigation, because apparently one sprawling inquiry per force is plenty.

The former Duke of York was arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office on 19 February this year - his 66th birthday, because the universe has a sense of humor - following allegations he shared sensitive information with Epstein during his time as the UK's trade envoy. He was interviewed under caution before being released under investigation. He denies wrongdoing, and the police investigation is ongoing.

And if you thought the emails couldn't get more absurd, an email released in a tranche of the Epstein files last year signed "A" asked disgraced British socialite Maxwell for "inappropriate friends." In one of four emails sent by someone using the name the Invisible Man to Maxwell in August 2001, the sender told the now convicted sex trafficker their "valet" had recently died and they had "left the RN." Mountbatten-Windsor left the Royal Navy the month before the email was sent. Another email from the same individual, dated 16 August 2001, said they were at "Balmoral summer camp for the royal family" before asking Maxwell: "Have you found me some inappropriate friends?" Because nothing says "summer camp" like soliciting a convicted sex trafficker for companions.

In March 2002, an email from Maxwell to the Invisible Man said they had passed on a message to an unnamed individual, with that message beginning with: "I just gave Andrew your telephone no." The message from Maxwell to the unidentified person also said "Andrew" would be "very happy" if he did some "two legged sight seeing." We'll leave that one right there.