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Articles
Sep 26
OpenAI's Rogue Agents Leak 53 User Images, Because Privacy Is Apparently a Legacy Feature
Sep 26
San Marino Becomes 76th Country to Sign Artemis Accords, Proving Even Microstates Want a Piece of the Moon
Sep 26
Consumer Confidence Drops to Four-Month Low Because Apparently $4.49 Gas Isn't Inspiring
Sep 25
Seven Senate Republicans to Trump: Maybe Don't Roll Out the Red Carpet for Putin
Sep 25
Roku's First OLED TVs Are Already on Sale, Because Launch Prices Are Apparently Suggestions
Sep 25
Ethiopia's Tigray Region Gets Internet Blackout, Because Nothing Says 'We're Back' Like a Communications Meltdown
Sep 25
Scientists Find Naturally Occurring Peptide That Fights Alzheimer's, Because the Body Apparently Had a Solution Stashed Away All Along
Sep 25
Seven-Metre Kayak Embarks on 22,000km Antarctic Odyssey to Save Planet, Probably Won't Send Postcards
Sep 25
CERN Begins Dismantling the Large Hadron Collider, Because Apparently 27 Kilometers of Magnets Weren't Enough
Sep 25
Tuchel Says Cole Palmer Misses Too Many England Camps, Which Is a Very Diplomatic Way of Saying 'Show Up or Shut Up'
Sep 25
Microsoft Unifies Copilot Into One App, Then Casually Mentions the Price Is 'Evolving'
Sep 25
Dead Star Produces Shock Wave That Shouldn't Exist, Scientists Admit They Have No Idea
Sep 25
Trump and Xi Hold Glittering Dinner, Solve Absolutely Nothing (But the Sea Bass Was Nice)
Sep 25
Wired's 34 Best Gifts for Dads Proves Even Dads Don't Know What Dads Want
Sep 25
Boomer Mom's Cheap Amazon Hauls Are Actually a Climate Survival Strategy, Apparently
Sep 25
Pope Leo Lands in France to Fix Church's Image, Warn Everyone About AI
Sep 25
Gen Z Ditches Treadmill for Deadlifts, Because Apparently Weights Are Cheaper Than Therapy
Sep 25
Grassroots Film Turns Climate Doom Into Group Therapy, Somehow Still Hopeful
Sep 25
Taylor Swift Releases Four New Songs, Because Three Would Have Been Rude
Sep 25
Scientists Give Worms Magnetic Bacteria, Worms Immediately Outlive Us All by 43%
Sep 25
Startup Builds Robot to Do the One Job Pipefitters Hate Most: Bolts
Sep 25
Disney's Ludwig Von Drake Was Apparently a Rocket Scientist in Duck Form
Sep 25
Isle of Man Election: Voters Fire Three Ministers, Because Nothing Says 'Change' Like a Bloodbath at the Polls
Sep 25
Meta Employees Ordered 'Attorney/Client Privilege' Hats, Because Nothing Says Legal Advice Like Merch
Sep 25
Man Shot at Trump Rally in 2024 Dies, Because Apparently Even Surviving Isn't Surviving
Sep 25
FDA Nominee Discovers Novel Strategy of Answering Questions Without Actually Answering Them
Sep 25
Senators Race to Pass Energy Permitting Bill Before Anyone Notices It's for Data Centers
Sep 24
D.C. Residents Confirm That Firing Lots of People Has Consequences, Study Finds
Sep 24
Nations League Returns: Klopp, Xavi, Ronaldo and the Eternal Question of Why
Sep 24
Meta's Muse Charm Is a Tamagotchi for People Who Already Have an Apple Watch Keychain
Sep 24
Moog Builds Extremely Clean Room to Make Thrusters, Because Space Doesn't Tolerate Dust
Sep 24
Xi Tells Trump How to Avoid the Thucydides Trap, Probably Not by Building One
Sep 24
Nikon Removes Features, Lowers Price, Hopes You Won't Notice What's Missing
Sep 24
NATO Commander Says We're All Eastern Flank Now, Which Is Not the Reassurance You Hoped For
Sep 24
Coffee-Flavoured Drinks Reviewed by Someone Who Actually Likes Coffee, With Predictable Results
Sep 24
T. rex With Broken Rib Turns Out to Be 66-Million-Year-Old Medical Marvel
Sep 24
Oil Heir Who Runs Mega-Zoo Named Sustainability Professor, Because Sure
Sep 24
Naked Eyes Frontman Pete Byrne Dies at 74, Taking a Piece of the Second British Invasion With Him
Sep 24
Europe's Car Makers Discover War Is Good for Business (Again)
Sep 24
OpenAI Agent Hacks Australian Government Website, Because Apparently We're Doing This Now
Sep 24
Judge to Trump: Polling Is Not Clairvoyance, and Bad Predictions Aren't Fraud
Sep 24
Food Banks Enter Crisis Mode, Because Apparently One Cost-of-Living Crisis Wasn't Enough
Sep 24
Ethiopia and Tigray Play the Blame Game Again, Because Apparently 600,000 Deaths Wasn't Enough
Sep 24
Study Finds Sleep Is Good, Just Like Your Mother Said, But With 156 Associations and Bonferroni Correction
Sep 24
Meta Unveils Camera-Free Smart Glasses, Insists It's Totally Not Because Everyone Called the Last Ones 'Pervert Glasses'
Sep 24
Coalition Promises Cheaper Power by Abolishing Every Climate Policy It Can Find, Calls This 'Not Ideology'
Sep 24
Tropical Turtles Discover California, Promptly Get Fenced In
Sep 24
Dutch Dictionary Finally Decides 'Shame Lips' Isn't the Vibe, Adds 'Vulvalippen'
Sep 24
Business Groups to Trump: Please Don't Ban Diesel Exports, We Beg You, Also Please Lower Gas Prices
Sep 24
Australia's Medicare Portal Hacked by an AI That Apparently Didn't Read the Terms of Service
Sep 24
NASA Unveils Telescope That Sees What Webb Can't, Because Apparently the Universe Needed Another Billion-Dollar Eye
Sep 23
Australia Pledges $60m to Ukraine, Because Apparently Being Nice Still Costs Money
Sep 23
Save the Children Gets Official Regulatory Slap on the Wrist After Staff Put at Risk in Yemen
Sep 23
Cybersecurity's Old Model Is Breaking, and Investors Are Throwing Money at the Fix
Sep 23
Bernie Sanders Proposes Prison Time for Anyone Building Skynet, Because That Always Works Out
Sep 23
USDA Recalls 167,000 Pounds of Meat That Somehow Skipped the Whole Inspection Thing
Sep 23
Shoegaze Band Announces 29-Song Mixtape, Proving 'Mixtape' Now Means 'Album With Friends'
Sep 23
Indigenous Communities Already Have Climate Solutions; World Still Has Excuses
Sep 23
Ancient Wall Found Under Paris, Because of Course It Was Under Paris
Sep 23
Missouri Redistricting Fight Returns to Supreme Court, Because Third Time's the Charm
Sep 23
Back-to-Work Czar Says Call Your Boss When Sick, Because Emails Apparently Aren't Human Enough
Sep 23
South Africa's Top Cop Charged With Rape and Grooming, Because Apparently Irony Is Dead
Sep 23
Solar System Picked Rocky Over Icy From Day One, Because Of Course It Did
Sep 23
Discord Rolls Out Age Verification to Everyone, Because Nothing Says 'Community' Like a Credit Card Scan
Sep 23
Surgeons Warn Cheap 'Bleph' Eyelid Surgery Abroad Is a Great Way to Pay Less and Get More, Like Open Wounds
Sep 23
Woman Regains Sea Access Via Brother, Proving Siblings Occasionally Useful
Sep 23
Country Diary Discovers Autumn's Fruit Bounty, Because Apparently Seasons Still Happen
Sep 23
LHC Rules Out Another Hiding Place for Quantum Black Holes, Universe Remains Annoyingly Unresolved
Sep 23
Ted Cruz Declares War on 'Right-Wing Socialism,' Reminds GOP That Santa Claus Isn't a Campaign Strategy
Sep 23
Young People Without the Bank of Mum and Dad Discover the Bank of Nowhere to Turn
Sep 23
Sri Lanka Sentences 15 to Centuries in Prison for Easter Bombings, Because Apparently 'Life' Wasn't Literal Enough
Sep 23
AI Giants Announce New Models That Cost Less, Do Slightly More, and Definitely Aren't Panicking About Cheap Rivals
Sep 23
Far-Right Activist Slashes Migrant Dinghy While Rescue Worker Onboard, Because Subtlety Is Dead
Sep 23
Medically Frail Medicaid Patients Must Now Prove They're Sick Enough to Skip Work Requirements, Lawsuit Says
Sep 23
Outkast Sue Ovrkast Over Name That's Definitely Not Confusing At All
Sep 22
NASA Working Group Recommends Fixing Astronaut Bodies Before Sending Them to the Moon
Sep 22
Scientists Want Your Wildlife Photos, Because Following Snakes Around Isn't Working
Sep 22
San Francisco Sues Trump Media for Selling Early Access to Trump's Posts, Because Apparently Insider Trading Is Just a Subscription Now
Sep 22
DoorDash Admits It Underpaid 264,000 New York Workers, Says 'We Screwed Up' in $131.5m Settlement
Sep 22
America's Water Systems Guarded by Passwords Like 'Password123,' Study Finds
Sep 22
Tim Westwood Faces Two More Historical Sex Charges, Bringing Total to 18
Sep 22
Pennsylvanians to AI Data Centers: We've Seen This Industrial Revolution Before, Thanks
Sep 22
Venomous Wasp Spider Moves North, Becomes Latest Climate Refugee Nobody Asked For
Sep 22
Diana's Brother Writes 400-Page Memoir, Somehow Makes It About Himself
Sep 22
Vets Forced to Cap Prescription Fees at £21, Because Apparently Transparency Is Cheaper Than Trust
Sep 22
Houseplant Hacks: Can Mirrors and Foil Really Boost Low Sunlight?
Sep 22
Jacinda Ardern Buys $5.3M Sydney Beach House, Proving Former Leaders Also Enjoy Expensive Real Estate
Sep 22
UK Government Borrows £18.3bn in August, Because Apparently Money Grows on Trees It Hasn't Planted Yet
Sep 22
Dutch Startup Morphotonics Raises €40M to Put Its Nanoimprint Stamps in Data Centers, Because Why Not
Sep 22
Europe Thinks Russia Is Testing NATO's Limits, Because Subtlety Is Apparently Dead
Sep 22
British Columbia Sues OpenAI Because Apparently 'We'll Look Into It' Isn't a Safety Policy
Sep 22
Australia's Grid Hits 80% Renewables, Proving Sun and Wind Can Actually Do the Thing
Sep 22
Brigitte Bardot Auction Raises €1m, Proving Dead Celebrities Still Outperform the Stock Market
Sep 22
Scientists Unravel Why Kent Meningitis Outbreak Was So Nasty, Because Bacteria Apparently Swapped Notes
Sep 22
NASA Explains Equinox, Confirms Sun Still Doesn't Care About Your Hemisphere Preferences
Sep 22
Australia's Prisons Still Shackle Women in Childbirth, Because Nothing Says 'Care' Like Handcuffs in the Delivery Room
Sep 22
Trump Predicts He'll Lose Lawsuit, Blames Judge He Appointed, Because of Course
Sep 22
Fed Official Confirms Inflation Still High, Economy Still Economy
Sep 22
Two Helicopter Pilots Killed in Yosemite Crash, Because Firefighting Apparently Wasn't Dangerous Enough
Sep 21
Meta's Muse Out-Downloads ChatGPT's Early Days, Because of Course It Does