In a tale as old as time (or at least as old as marriage), a 40-year-old woman writes to advice columnist Annalisa Barbieri about her 60-year-old husband who, despite six years of partnership, a baby, and couples therapy, still can't be bothered to figure out how to make sex enjoyable for her. She takes a while to orgasm; he gets impatient and gives up - after finishing first, naturally. She has health issues that make sex painful; he's respectful about that, but defensive and unkind when she asks him to try new things. He bought sex toys, which she rightly interprets as outsourcing the job he can't be bothered to do.

The husband, a veteran lover of "lots of" women, has apparently resigned himself to masturbation, which she's not willing to accept. He suggests she sleep with other men, as long as she doesn't tell him - because nothing says intimacy like sanctioned secrecy. The woman, who once had an active sex life full of anticipation and emotional bonding, just wants that with her husband. Barbieri, with the help of sex and relationship psychotherapist Silva Neves, suggests the problem is connection - or rather, the husband's lack of curiosity about her body. Neves speculates it might be ageing, low energy, or low testosterone, but notes it doesn't sound like he doesn't care - just that he doesn't think he can meet her needs.

The advice? Have proper conversations, consider stepping outside usual sexual scripts, and if he won't engage, that's an answer. Barbieri doesn't mince words: "Sex often shows cracks in relationships to which we want to turn a blind eye. It doesn't sound as if you two have ever been sexually compatible." She asks what's worth saving. It's a fair question, given that the husband's idea of effort is buying toys and suggesting his wife cheat on him - with his blessing, as long as it's secret. Somewhere, a sex therapist is nodding knowingly.