In a turn of events that would be hilarious if it weren't so bleak, staff at a Kent hospital have revealed they're moonlighting in pubs to cope with the financial squeeze from increased parking charges and wage cuts. Yes, you read that right: the people who deliver babies and save lives are now also serving pints to make rent.

The parking fee at Gillingham's Medway Maritime Hospital jumped from £9.20 to £15 a day at the start of August, while bank shift wages were slashed by 20% in May, according to the Local Democracy Reporting Service. Because nothing says 'we value our staff' like charging them more to come to work and then paying them less when they do.

One anonymous midwife said the increased costs have made many colleagues question their career choices. She now budgets £250 a month just to travel to work. "They're kicking us whilst we're down, and I could get more as a cleaner. Some of us are doing cash-in-hand work in pubs," she said, adding the immortal line: "It sounds ridiculous. How can you be such a qualified professional, but you're getting more money pulling pints behind a bar?"

Siobhan Callanan, interim chief executive of Medway NHS Foundation Trust, offered this reassurance: "While we are unable to provide free parking for all colleagues, eligible staff can apply for an on-site parking permit to use designated staff parking areas." Because nothing says 'we care' like a permit that probably has a waiting list longer than an A&E queue.

The trust insists that all car park income goes first to maintenance, then "directly into patient care and services." Meanwhile, the midwife notes that reduced bank shift wages aren't just a financial blow - they're also a morale killer. "We're short-staffed, we're asking people to work outside of their specialties," she said.

Medway Council deputy leader Teresa Murray wants a meeting with hospital leadership, pointing out that the trust's £47m deficit doesn't justify moves that "are not making anything any better." Callanan, for her part, added that staff are "highly valued" and that free off-site parking with a shuttle bus is available to all staff. Because nothing says 'highly valued' like a shuttle bus.

In related news, the hospital's A&E department has been flagged for long waits and safety concerns, but hey, at least the bar is well-staffed.