Germany's coalition government has kicked off a spirited public debate by announcing that workers will soon need a doctor's note on the very first day they call in sick, rather than the current lenient policy that waits until day four. Chancellor Friedrich Merz, looking at the nation's sick-day statistics with the same concern one might reserve for a plummeting stock portfolio, declared: "The number of sick days in Germany is too high."

Under the new rules, the pandemic-era convenience of obtaining a note by phone is also being scrapped, forcing the truly ill to drag themselves to a doctor's office just to get a piece of paper confirming what they already know. The plan, hatched by Merz's CDU and coalition partner SPD, aims to curb what the chancellor called "exorbitant" sick leave levels post-pandemic. Germany is, as Merz put it, "returning to the arrangements we had before the coronavirus pandemic."

Medical groups are not amused. The KBV, representing statutory health insurance physicians, issued a statement calling the plan "bordered on madness," arguing that "anyone who is coughing or has a gastrointestinal infection belongs in bed - not in an overcrowded surgery." The Association of General Practitioners echoed the sentiment, warning that waiting rooms would fill with mild cases that previously required only a day or two of bed rest.

Vice-Chancellor Lars Klingbeil (SPD) tried to douse the flames, telling RTL TV he was looking for "workable solutions." Labour Minister Bärbel Bas, also SPD, said she'd investigate whether the requirement actually reduces sick leave or just creates more paperwork. Meanwhile, CDU parliamentary leader Jens Spahn defended the plan, noting Germany's sick leave rate is among the EU's highest - around 18 days per employee per year. "Those who are genuinely ill should, of course, be able to stay at home," he added, presumably with a straight face.

The changes are part of broader tax, labour, and pension reforms meant to revive Germany's economy. Because nothing says economic revival like forcing people with the flu to get dressed and visit a doctor.