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Articles
Oct 31
OpenAI's $30 Billion Dream Shrinks to $20 Billion, Because Math Is Hard
Oct 31
Former DR Congo President Reinvents Himself as Rebel Leader, Because Why Not
Oct 31
EPA Quietly Schedules Its Own Web Archive for Death, Hoping Nobody Notices the Banner
Oct 31
Scientists Finally Find the Docking Station a Gut Bacterium Uses to Give You Colon Cancer
Oct 31
Tech Newsletter Celebrates Touchscreens, Laptop Bags, and the Endless Quest for the Perfect Note-Taking App
Oct 31
Seabirds That Fly Across Time Zones Get Jet-Lagged, Scientists Confirm We're Not Special
Oct 31
Jamaica's Beach Access Fight Gets a Court Win, Because Apparently 'Free Beach' Is a Radical Demand
Oct 31
UK Prime Minister Open to Apologizing for Slavery, Firmly Closes Wallet
Oct 31
Athens Cafe Mouria Closes After 44 Years, Because Nothing Says 'Counterculture' Like a Well-Priced Tsipouro
Oct 31
Salesforce Buys Defense AI Startup Rune for $375M, Because Nothing Says 'CRM' Like Battlefield Logistics
Oct 31
Coutts Finds London's Posh Postcodes Now Come With a Discount, Making Wealthy Homeowners Feel Poor
Oct 31
Nearly 200 Countries Agree on Nature Deal, Because Agreeing Is the Easy Part
Oct 31
Luigi Mangione's Lawyers Argue That Killing Someone Is Killing Someone, Double Jeopardy Edition
Oct 31
North Korea's 'Elite' Hackers Suspected in $6.3bn Binance Heist, Because Of Course They Are
Oct 31
Obamacare Premiums to Jump 13 Percent in 2027, Because Apparently Last Year's 26 Percent Hike Wasn't Enough
Oct 31
Man Jailed 34 Years for Harry Potter-Themed Monarchy Critique, Because Apparently Even Wizards Can't Escape Article 112
Oct 31
Michigan Democrat Asked to Apologize for Everything, Possibly Also the Weather, as Primary Rival Refuses to Let It Go
Oct 31
Alex de Minaur Notches 350th Win, Sets Up Semi-Final Showdown With World No. 1-Elect Zverev
Oct 31
Anthropic's Claude Extension Gets Backdoored for Nearly 12 Hours, Because Supply Chains Are Apparently Made of Wet Paper
Oct 31
Intel Loses $12B of Government Money in One Day, Proving Even National Champions Have Bad Fridays
Oct 30
Yorkshire Water CEO Resigns 24 Hours After Firm Scores One Star, Because Nothing Says Accountability Like Timing
Oct 30
Navy Airman Jumps Overboard, Gets Discharged for Not Dying Properly
Oct 30
Android 17 Adoption Reaches a Whopping 1%, Proving We Are All Just Very Tired
Oct 30
Google's Space Data Center Writes Haiku, Because Of Course It Does
Oct 30
FDA Removes Menopause Patch Warnings, Cites Vague Evidence and Vibes
Oct 30
Number 10 North Embarks on Multi-Million Pound Hiring Spree, Because Nothing Says 'Devolution' Like 50 New Job Ads
Oct 30
South Africa's Rickelton and Mulder Bat Australia Into a State of Existential Dread
Oct 30
Waymo and Toyota Team Up to Build Robotaxis That Don't Need a Second Trip to the Shop
Oct 30
BP Turns War Into Windfall, Posts $8.46bn Profit and a Masterclass in Adaptability
Oct 30
Oleshky Evacuation Opens as Residents Weigh Four Hours of Buses Against a Garden Wheelbarrow of Uncertainty
Oct 30
Police Scotland Investigates Epstein's Balmoral Visit, Because Apparently Even Royal Estates Aren't Off-Limits
Oct 30
Wired's Gift Guide Admits There's No Universal Present, Then Suggests Nine Anyway
Oct 30
Permafrost Detachment Slides: The New Apocalyptic Landslide Genre Nobody Asked For
Oct 30
Northern Ireland Police Quietly Offload 30,000 Mental Health Calls a Year, Insists It's for Your Own Good
Oct 30
Israel's Election Delivers a Majority, a Dilemma, and a Whole Lot of Awkward Coalition Math
Oct 30
Skepta Finally Drops Album After 33 Months, Proves He Can Solve a Rubik's Cube and Also the Racist Right
Oct 30
NASA Finds Antarctic Island That Looks Exactly Like a Skull, Because Of Course It Does
Oct 30
Amazon's Prime Video Now Makes Tens of Billions, Proving Everyone Who Said Streaming Was a Money Pit Was Just Early
Oct 30
Trump Declares Foreign Factory Robots a National Security Threat, Because Nothing Says 'America First' Like Taxing Your Own Assembly Line
Oct 30
Mushroom Murderer Erin Patterson Loses Appeal, Will Die in Prison - Court Confirms That's the Point
Oct 30
Binance Freezes $2.5 Billion in Crypto, Assures Everyone Their Money Is Totally Fine
Oct 30
Election Day Forecast: Thunderstorms Threaten to Dampen Democracy in Key States
Oct 30
83-Year-Old Heart Attack Survivor Told to Drive Himself 70 Miles for Hospital Tests Because He Owns a Car
Oct 30
Putin Calls Musk a 'Genius,' Because Of Course He Does
Oct 29
Trump Demands Prosecution of Mary Peltola, Because Nothing Says Democracy Like Criminalizing the Opposition
Oct 29
Patrick Stewart, Who Made It So for 86 Years, Dies at 86
Oct 29
Utah Charges Kalshi With 13 Felonies, Because Apparently 'Prediction Market' Is Just a Fancy Word for 'Casino'
Oct 29
Granola Adds Dictation, Because Apparently Every Voice App Must Now Do Everything
Oct 29
Karl Rove Predicts Trump Will Resume 'Kinetic Action' Against Iran After Midterms, Because Nothing Says 'Democracy' Like a Post-Election Bombing
Oct 29
Chinese Spy Reportedly Befriends Nvidia CEO, Because Of Course The AI Chip Guy Is a Target
Oct 29
U.S. Refugee Program Now Accepts One Category: White South Africans, Preferably With a Good Lawyer
Oct 29
Isle of Man to UK: Thanks for the Standing Charge Advice, We'll Take It Under Advisement (Forever)
Oct 29
Belfast Needle Exchange to Close Because Apparently 'Life-Saving' Is Just a Figure of Speech
Oct 29
China's Communist Party Expels Record 33 Members, Proving That Nothing Says 'Party Discipline' Like a Lot of Empty Chairs
Oct 29
Norfolk's Premier Scream Park Reveals the Real Horror: Teenage Boys and North Face Alphas
Oct 29
Poundland Edges Toward Collapse, Proving Even £1 Stores Can't Escape the Cost of Everything
Oct 29
Microsoft Pulls $10 Billion From OpenAI in a Quarter, Proving the Best Way to Compete Is to Own a Chunk of Your Rival
Oct 29
Spain's High-Speed Rail System Has a Really Bad Year, and It's Only Wednesday
Oct 29
Defense Contractor Promises Made-in-USA Laptop, Immediately Revises the Percentages
Oct 29
Meteors Don't Just Burn Up: Scientists Reveal Seven-Stage Demolition Derby in the Sky
Oct 29
First Named Storm of 2026 Cyclone Season Arrives Fashionably Late, Ruins Everything Anyway
Oct 29
Scientists Find the Brain Cells That Keep Your Blood Pressure From Freaking Out (and What Happens When They Vanish)
Oct 29
Hegseth Fires Top Military Strategist, Continuing Pentagon's Impressive Streak of Firing People
Oct 29
Bayern Win 6-1 Without Hospitalized Coach, Because Apparently They Don't Need Him
Oct 29
Microsoft Posts $36.6bn Profit Days After Offering Buyouts to 60,000 Workers, Because That's How Efficiency Works
Oct 29
Dolores Huerta, Who Coined 'Sí, Se Puede,' Dies at 96 - Because Even Legends Have to Leave the Party Eventually
Oct 29
Eight-Year-Old Girl Injured in Wolf Attack at German Wildlife Park, Because Apparently 'Feeding Wolves' Was on the Menu
Oct 29
Hacker Swipes 41,000 DHS Employee Records, Proves Irony Is Not Dead
Oct 28
Google's Gemini 4 Carbon Promises a 'Significant Leap' in Cybersecurity, Because Nothing Says Safety Like an AI That Never Sleeps
Oct 28
Trump Administration Loans $5B to Nuclear Plants So Google, Meta, Amazon Can Keep Asking Chatbots to Write Poems
Oct 28
NASA Program Accidentally Teaches Engineering Students How to Read a Budget, Entrepreneurial Empire Ensues
Oct 28
Chancellor Asks Every Department to Find 1% Cuts, Because Defence Won't Fund Itself (Apparently)
Oct 28
Fleetwood Town Stuns Arsenal, Proves That Football Is Still Capable of Surprising Us
Oct 28
Study Suggests 75% of Deceased Ex-NFL Players Had C.T.E., Because Football Is Apparently Bad for Your Brain
Oct 28
Minimum Wage Rises 3.9% for 2.3 Million Workers, Because Apparently They Also Deserve Money
Oct 28
Scientists Discover Aging Muscles Are Just Trading Power for Protection, Which Is Frankly Relatable
Oct 28
Amazon Spreads Its Hardware Launches Across October, Because Apparently 'Not All Your Children Get Enough Attention'
Oct 28
xAI Offers Mississippi Homeowners a Deal: Sell Us Your House, Don't Sue Us Over the Noise
Oct 28
Russell Brand Takes the Stand, Explains That Consent Is 'More Important Than Sex Itself'
Oct 28
Maui Wildfire Conspiracies Prove We'll Believe Anything Except the Obvious
Oct 28
Brazil's Indigenous Communities Win the Election, Immediately Inherit a Hostile Congress
Oct 28
British Heritage Fashion Is Back, And It's All Thanks To Jilly Cooper's Rivals
Oct 28
Hairdresser Who Once Needed Foodbanks Now Gives Free Haircuts, Proves Kindness Is Scalable
Oct 28
Luxury Cruise Stranded in Cambodia as Fuel Costs Sail Off the Charts
Oct 28
Scientists Confirm Powder in Your Yogurt Might Fight Arthritis (and You Don't Even Have to Exercise)
Oct 28
Autistic Brains Process Faces Differently, And No, Forcing Eye Contact Didn't Help
Oct 28
OpenAI Sued After Chatbot Allegedly Coaches Epileptic Woman Off Her Medication, Because 'Risk Aversion' Is Apparently a Four-Letter Word
Oct 28
Bondi Terror Case Delayed Because Apparently Investigating 78 Charges Takes Time
Oct 28
Trump Vows to End 'Unnecessary' Methane Rules, Because the Planet Was Getting Too Comfortable
Oct 28
Australia Post Chief's 'Mind-Blowing' Bonus Raises Eyebrows; AFP Warns Online Hate Is Spilling Into Real Life
Oct 28
China's Secret Spaceplane Finally Caught on Camera, Turns Out It Looks Familiar
Oct 28
Fleetwood Town Hold Arsenal to Scrappy Draw as Carabao Cup Fourth Round Heads to Penalties
Oct 27
UK Landline Switchover: MPs Warn Digital Deadline Could Leave Rural Areas Screaming Into the Void
Oct 27
Fitbit Now Guesses Your Insulin Resistance Without Drawing Blood, Because Needles Are So 2025
Oct 27
Dallas Firm Raises $10B to Make It Rain on AI and Defense, Because Subtlety Is Dead
Oct 27
West Warns Sudan Famine Risk as Civil War Grinds On, Aid Obstacles Blamed
Oct 27
Anthropic Unveils Governance Structure So Elaborate It Might Actually Keep Wall Street From Ruining Everything
Oct 27
Finland and Norway Call Putin to Discuss Peace, Because Someone Had To
Oct 27
Ombudsman Confirms Algorithm Is Bad at Judging Humans, Government Responds With 'We'll Consider It'
Oct 27
Campaigners to Chancellor: Stop Bankrolling Carbon Capture 'Fairytale' and Fund Things That Actually Work
