Sir Keir Starmer is reportedly weighing up his political future as pressure mounts for him to resign, which is a bit like a chef considering whether to leave the kitchen while the building is on fire. Cabinet ally Peter Kyle, the business secretary, confirmed that the prime minister is contemplating "political realities" - likely a euphemism for 'repeatedly being told to go.'

The urgency spiked after Andy Burnham's victory in the Makerfield by-election last week cleared a path for him to challenge for the Labour leadership, because nothing says 'party unity' like a backbench MP gunning for your job. Senior ministers, including Transport Secretary Heidi Alexander and Foreign Secretary Yvette Cooper, have urged Starmer to set an exit timetable. Even US President Donald Trump waded in, posting that Starmer "will resign as prime minister" and criticizing his record on immigration and energy - because who doesn't love unsolicited career advice from a man who once suggested injecting disinfectant?

In the wake of the by-election, Starmer initially insisted he would fight any leadership bid, but his tone has softened faster than a ripe avocado. Kyle told the BBC's Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg that Starmer is "taking the time to think through what the political realities are today," which sounds like a man googling 'how to resign gracefully.' The 2020 leadership race took six weeks, and some MPs worry a similar contest could damage the party's prospects - and probably the nation's ability to form a stable government.

Burnham, who increased Labour's majority in Makerfield despite the Reform UK challenge, is expected to head to Westminster on Monday to formally take up his seat. His allies have urged Starmer to reflect and listen to his cabinet, MPs, and family - presumably in that order. Labour MP Helen Hayes called Burnham's victory "truly extraordinary" and noted that "the PM has faced a catastrophic drop in popularity, we need to make a change." Subtlety is clearly not in fashion.

Former Health Secretary Wes Streeting, a potential rival, has said he would join any contest, arguing the party needs a "battle of ideas." Jess Phillips, who quit in May, said "it feels like we've come to the end of the road," which is about as unambiguous as a neon sign reading 'Exit.' Meanwhile, Labour MP Toby Perkins, who clearly missed the memo, said he doesn't want Starmer to stand down because the country would have its "seventh prime minister in 10 years" - a statistic that sounds less like an argument for stability and more like a cry for help.