With one week left in the Premier League season, it's time for some soul-searching. M&S sherbet fruits remain the superior football snack, and the standard at the top isn't great. But from sixth place down to 18th? Never been stronger.
Case in point: West Ham United. It's entirely possible that whether they or Tottenham (two points ahead) take the final relegation spot, no better side has ever gone down. Matheus Fernandes and Jarrod Bowen are top players. Crysencio Summerville and Taty Castellanos are more than useful. And enough others are well up to top-flight football.
West Ham's form doesn't scream relegation either. In each of the last nine seasons, 36 points has kept teams up, and they've got that with two games to go - plus two wins and a draw in their last five. They're being punished for dreadful early-season form under Graham Potter and the tremendous behavior of Sunderland and Leeds. But there's no way they should need at least one win in their last two, with even two potentially insufficient.
If they get the big W tonight, they'd put serious pressure on Spurs, who travel to Chelsea on Tuesday and host Everton on the final day. Newcastle, with one win in six and seven home defeats, are beatable - their trademark physicality less pronounced this season and Alexander Isak's contribution not adequately replaced.
So while trips to St James' are never easy, it's actually one of the better options for a side desperately seeking a result. But Eddie Howe's men won't want the shame of another set of players cavorting on their pitch, just as their support won't want the away contingent leaving with happy vibes. Eyes down for an absolutely gargantuan tussle that might just be the highest-level 13th vs 18th we've ever seen.
And the match? It started with Newcastle 1-0 up after 19 minutes, Woltemade turning in Barnes' cross after a careless Hermansen pass was intercepted. Then Osula made it 2-0 with a glorious move involving Trippier, Barnes, Guimaraes and Ramsey - a goal as welcome in N17 (Tottenham) as in NE1 (Newcastle). The match feels over, but West Ham keep probing, Bowen and Summerville looking dangerous on the counter. Nuno switched to 4-4-2, hooking Todibo, but Newcastle keep oozing forward, easily finding spaces between men and lines.