HSBC, the London-based bank that apparently woke up one morning and realized its Australian retail adventure was more hassle than it's worth, has announced it's closing all 19 of its Australian branches over the next 18 months. The move comes after the bank sold its local mortgage and personal loan portfolio to Blackstone, the global asset giant that clearly hasn't learned from others' mistakes.

The sale will end HSBC's retail presence in Australia, a market it first entered with a commercial banking licence back in 1986 - a time when the concept of 'challenger bank' was probably more optimistic. HSBC will continue to offer private and institutional banking services, because apparently that's where the real money is.

The bank was characteristically vague about job losses, saying it's 'too soon' to share details, given that the sale is still awaiting regulatory approval. HSBC employs 2,000 people in Australia, and the spokesperson assured that the majority of the retail banking team will be needed during the wind-down. So, you know, job security until it's not.

Blackstone has appointed Pepper Money to service the loans after the sale completes, expected in the first half of 2027. Pepper is expected to advertise roles that HSBC employees might fill - a sort of musical chairs where the music stops in 2027.

HSBC's non-mortgage retail products, including transaction accounts, savings, term deposits, and credit cards, will be phased out. The bank cited a 'strategic review' and the ongoing simplification of the HSBC group as reasons. Because nothing says simplification like selling off a $36bn loan portfolio.

Australia's mortgage market is a cozy club, with the big four banks and Macquarie controlling about 80% of it. Overseas banks have historically struggled to get a profitable foothold in this $2.5tn market. Citi, for instance, already exited the Australian mortgage market. HSBC's departure makes it a trend, really.

So, as HSBC closes the doors on its Australian retail banking, one can't help but think: maybe it's not the market, it's the competition. Or maybe it's just that the big four have been there since forever, and newcomers are just tourists passing through. Either way, HSBC's retail banking in Australia is now a memory, and Blackstone is left holding the mortgage bag. Good luck with that.