In a move that will surprise absolutely no one who has looked at a supermarket freezer aisle recently, Bernard Matthews Foods has confirmed it will close its Derby processing plant on Shaftesbury Street South by the end of 2026. The company, famous for its 'bootiful' catchphrase and turkey Twizzlers, says the decision follows 'significant financial losses' and a laundry list of external economic challenges.

A spokesperson, with the weary tone of someone who has repeated this statement one too many times, said the closure was decided after consultations with 'employee and union representatives.' The company cited 'Brexit, Covid, and conflicts in Ukraine and the Middle East' as contributing factors, alongside the 'geopolitical environment' - which, in corporate speak, roughly translates to 'everything that has happened in the last few years.'

The announcement comes two years after the company said it would close a plant at its headquarters in Great Witchingham, Norfolk, where founder Bernard Matthews built his empire. That empire once earned him a spot in the Guinness Book of Records as Europe's biggest turkey farmer in the 1960s, back when 'bootiful' was a novelty and not a punchline.

Bernard Matthews himself died in 2010 on Thanksgiving Day - irony noted - but his legacy of turkey-related products lives on, at least in Sunderland and Holton, Suffolk, where the company still runs processing sites. For the Derby employees, the company promises to explore 'redeployment opportunities' and work with local organisations to find 'alternative employment options,' which is corporate for 'we're sorry, but good luck.'

Trade union Unite has been contacted for comment, though they're probably busy drafting a response that includes the word 'disgrace.' As for the brand, one has to wonder: what's next for the 'bootiful' legacy? Perhaps a rebrand to 'bootifully bankrupt'? Only time will tell.