Laos has announced that it cannot determine blame or cause for the deaths of six tourists who died after consuming methanol-tainted alcohol in November 2024, because - and this is the kicker - no one bothered to perform autopsies on the bodies. The victims, a Briton, two Australians, two Danes, and an American, all died following a night out in the backpacker haven of Vang Vieng.

The Laos Ministry of Public Security stated that without forensic evidence, they can't establish if the deaths were caused by any individual or any particular cause. However, they did find 'excessive levels of methanol' in vodka from the distillery involved. The distillery owner now faces charges for selling harmful food products and operating an illegal business - but not for the deaths themselves. The maximum penalty? One year in jail and a fine of about $1,100. That's roughly $183 per deceased tourist.

The Australian government expressed 'deep frustration and bitter disappointment' that more serious charges weren't filed, and summoned Laos' ambassador for a chat. The victims included Simone White (28, UK), Bianca Jones and Holly Morton-Bowles (both 19, Australia), Anne-Sofie Orkild Coyman (20) and Freja Vennervald Sorensen (21, Denmark), and James Louis Hutson (57, US). Many were staying at the Nana Backpacker Hostel, where guests failed to check out after falling ill on November 13. Earlier, 10 hostel employees received suspended sentences and fines of $185 each for destroying evidence.

The British government, perhaps sensing a trend, has launched a campaign warning tourists about methanol risks. Symptoms include vomiting, blurred vision, blindness, and - if you're really unlucky - seeing snowy static like an old TV. Because nothing says 'memorable vacation' like methanol poisoning.