The gardeners who keep London's Royal Parks looking less like a post-apocalyptic wasteland and more like the postcards have had enough. In a move that will surprise absolutely no one who has tried to live in London on minimum wage, they've voted to strike over a proposed pay rise that can only be described as 'technically a raise.'

Workers employed by sub-contractor Idverde, a name that sounds like a villain from a low-budget superhero movie, were offered a whopping 70p an hour increase for skilled gardeners and team leaders. The GMB union, with the restraint of a parent trying not to laugh at a child's drawing, called it 'an insult.'

The strike action affects all eight Royal Parks: Bushy Park, Green Park, Greenwich Park, Hyde Park, Kensington Gardens, Regent's Park-Primrose Hill, Richmond Park, and St James's Park. So, if you were planning a picnic in any of them, you might want to bring a blanket and a sense of solidarity, but maybe pack your own sandwiches.

A Royal Parks spokesperson, in a masterclass of passing the buck, said pay is a matter for Idverde, adding: 'We recognise that this is a matter of concern for those involved and hope that a constructive resolution can be reached.' Translation: 'Please don't look at us, we just own the parks.' Idverde has been contacted for comment, but we're not holding our breath.

Currently, skilled gardeners and team leaders are paid 55p an hour above the London Living Wage, which is set at £14.80. So, they're already earning just enough to maybe afford a coffee and a sandwich in the park they maintain. The GMB accuses Idverde of treating the London Living Wage as a maximum, not a minimum, which is like treating a speed limit as a target.

Anna Lee, GMB's regional organiser, said: 'Our members create and maintain these amazing spaces and to be offered 70p [extra per hour] is just an insult. They are skilled, experienced professionals and they know what their labour is worth.' Indeed, they do. They're the ones keeping the tulips in line and the grass at a socially acceptable height.

The vote saw a 75% turnout, with 95% voting in favour of strike action. That's a level of consensus rarely seen outside of North Korea, suggesting the gardeners are not messing around. They're calling on Idverde to get back to the table and offer a fair pay deal. And if they don't, well, the parks might soon look like a wildflower meadow, which could be a new trend, but probably not the one Idverde wants.

So, as the gardeners prepare to down tools and picket lines, remember: behind every perfectly manicured lawn is a person who can't afford to live near it. And a 70p raise isn't going to change that.