Grist
Hurricane Isaias Finally Shows Up to the Party, Sets Record for Tardiness
Hurricane Isaias shows up fashionably late to the Atlantic season, breaking a record for tardiness while El Niño gets the blame for the quietest season in decades.
Grist
The Verge
Journalist Buys Exactly One Thing During Prime Day, Feels Compelled to Tell Everyone
A Verge writer bought one game during Amazon's October Prime Day, and now you're reading about it because it's still $39.88 - down from $59.99 or $69.99.
The Guardian
French Students to Government: Your 'Emergency Plan' Is Not the Vibe
French students say 'non' to government pledges, demanding €10bn for schools while dodging teargas and baton charges - because nothing says 'back to school' like a riot.
BBC Business
Residents Win Legal Battle Over 300% Service Charge Hike, Because Apparently That's What It Takes
Nine families in Somerset took on their housing association over a 300% service charge hike - and won. Curo insists it totally meant to do that.
The Guardian Europe
Trump Tries to Ban CNN, Politico, and MS Now from White House; Judge Says 'We'll See About That'
Trump's media ban goes to court, while the president plays debate matchmaker for his endorsed candidates across Texas, Georgia, Michigan, and Maine.
The Verge
GTA VI Adds In-Game Podcasts So You Can Ignore Fake Ads While Driving Fake Cars
Rockstar's GTA VI will feature six radio stations and in-game podcasts, because nothing says immersive crime simulation like fictional podcasts about fictional events.
SpaceNews
Experts Agree Moon Base Will Require Stuff, Probably in Space
Panel of experts at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg Center discusses what it'll take to build a moon base, because apparently 'just showing up' isn't a plan.
TechCrunch
Uber and Pony.ai to Unleash Robotaxis on London, Because Driving Yourself Is So 2025
Uber and Pony.ai are bringing robotaxis to London, because nothing says 'progress' like a driverless car navigating the M25.
The Hill
Russia's Plague Outbreak: 'Trust Us, It's Fine,' Says Kremlin, As World Reaches for Face Masks
Russia's plague outbreak response is basically 'trust us, bro,' and the world is not having it. Also: everything else that happened.
The Guardian
England Sets New Wildfire Record, Because Apparently That's a Thing Now
England's July wildfire record goes up in smoke - 624 fires in one month, hottest summer ever, and a government that scrapped its own preparation plans. Surely this is fine.
BBC Business
Asos Admits Hackers Got More Than Just Your Email, Because Of Course They Did
Asos finally admits hackers grabbed names, addresses, phone numbers and even your search history for 'glamorous wide fit' - but hey, at least your password is safe.
The Guardian
Study Finds Procrastination Is the Biggest Threat to Student Performance, Which Students Everywhere Will Read Later
65,000 students confirm the thing you're doing right now is their biggest academic obstacle - and researchers say it's not laziness, it's feelings.
BBC Business
Hygiene Poverty Reaches 'Tipping Point,' Because Apparently Soap Is Now a Luxury Good
A UK charity warns hygiene poverty has hit a 'tipping point,' with 18% of adults affected and 41% of those experiencing it for the first time this year.
The Guardian
Former Bachelor Star Sam Wood Denied Bail After Police Allege He Choked Woman Until She 'Thought She Would Die'
Sam Wood, a wellness influencer and former Bachelor star, denied bail on domestic violence charges after police alleged he choked a woman until she 'thought she would die' - proving that even fitness gurus can't outrun irony.
The Guardian
Celebrity Traitors Returns: Richard E. Grant's Big Secret Lasts About Five Minutes
Richard E. Grant's traitor reveal, Richard Ayoade's set-destroying threats, and a bovine caesarean crisis - just another night of quality television.
BBC Politics
UK PM Andy Burnham Heads to Berlin to Talk Cyber Threats, Because Nothing Says 'Special Relationship' Like Mutual Paranoia
UK PM Andy Burnham jets to Berlin to chat cyber threats and sabotage with German Chancellor Friedrich Merz, because nothing bonds nations like mutual Russian paranoia and a freshly arrested ex-spy chief.
The Verge
ChatGPT Now Answers Questions With Charts, Buttons, and a Seven-Speed Bicycle Diagram You Didn't Ask For
OpenAI's new Intelligent UI turns ChatGPT into an overachieving infographic machine, complete with bicycle diagrams and Mahjong tiles, because reading is apparently passé.
The Guardian
AI Datacentre Firm Firmus Watches $44bn Valuation Go Poof, Possibly Entire IPO Too
AI datacentre firm Firmus discovers that a $44bn valuation built on unbuilt sites and wishful thinking may not survive contact with actual investors.
The Hill
Drugmakers Sue Trump Admin Over Plan to Pay What Other Countries Pay, Cite 'Innovation' Concerns
PhRMA sues Trump admin over GLOBE pilot tying Medicare drug prices to other countries, because apparently paying less for drugs is a threat to innovation.
The Guardian Europe
WWF: To Save Biodiversity, We Must Change How We Make Food (and Probably Stop Eating So Much)
WWF says wildlife populations have dropped 73% since 1970, but tigers and tuna are making a comeback. Now if we could just stop eating the planet, that'd be great.
The Good Times
News in your inbox.
One sardonic roundup, delivered on your schedule. Free. Unsubscribe whenever your tolerance for wit runs out.
Already subscribed but we never reach your inbox? Check your spam folder and hit 'Not spam' (or 'Remove from spam') to bust us out of junk-mail purgatory. You'll be helping everyone else too.