In a move that surprised absolutely no one who has been paying attention, Donald Trump announced he has cancelled strikes against Iran, provided a deal can be struck 'rapidly' - a word that, in diplomatic parlance, usually means 'sometime before the next ice age.'

In a post on Truth Social, the US president claimed he was asked by Iran and other Middle Eastern countries to 'hold off' on any attack, as the 'perimeters' of a deal had been agreed. The deal, he said, would include reopening the Strait of Hormuz and ending Iran's nuclear threat - both modest goals, really, like asking a cat to stop knocking things off tables.

His comments came after US media reported that Washington may have been planning new, intense strikes on Iran over the weekend. Multiple sources told CBS News, the BBC's American media partner, that the US and Israel were planning what would be one of the harshest bombing campaigns to date against energy infrastructure targets in Iran. The plan reportedly came up during Trump's cabinet meeting on Friday, where - according to CBS - he was heard saying, 'We'll be hitting them [Iranians] very hard. At some point, they're going to say, "We just can't take it anymore."' That's the diplomatic equivalent of a toddler threatening to hold his breath until he gets a cookie.

Earlier on Saturday, Tehran accused the US of escalating tensions, warning that any regional state co-operating with Washington would be 'engulfed by the flames of war.' Meanwhile, the US government urged Americans across the Middle East to be alert and ready to leave 'should there be escalation.' The security alert advised citizens to exercise 'caution and heightened vigilance' and prepare for flight cancellations, airspace closures, and travel disruptions - because nothing says 'we're not planning to attack' like telling your citizens to pack their bags.

Trump further boasted that the US was 'locked and loaded and ready to go against the Islamic Republic of Iran, at levels of Military Terror, Strength, and Power not seen since World War II.' He said cancelling the attack would be 'for the future benefit of the world and, likewise, the survival of a successful and prosperous Iran.' Iran has not yet responded to Trump's announcement, perhaps because they're too busy wondering if this is another one of those 'deals' that never quite materializes.

Axios reported that Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman spoke to Trump on Saturday and 'expressed concern' about the potential strikes. Reuters also reported the phone call - because when you're about to bomb your neighbor, it's always good to check in with the guy down the street who might be affected by the smoke.

Washington and Tehran have engaged in escalating strikes and counter-strikes since a ceasefire in April aimed at pausing the war fell apart in June. Earlier this week, the US said it completed a 'heavy wave' of strikes against Iran in retaliation for an attempted ballistic missile attack on American forces. The US has blockaded Iranian ports and bombed Iranian sites, while Iran has fired missiles and drones at US assets and targeted shipping in the Strait of Hormuz - a vital waterway for global oil, because nothing says 'peace' like cutting off the world's oil supply.

The US and Israel began launching their strikes against Iran on 28 February, with the outbreak of war leading to significant fluctuations in oil prices - because if there's one thing the global economy needs, it's more uncertainty. As the US urges its citizens to be ready to leave, one can't help but wonder: if a deal is so 'rapidly' forthcoming, why do we all need to have our bags packed?