TechCrunch
Trump Unveils 'Super Intelligence Force,' Because 'AI' Apparently Wasn't Branded Enough
Trump rebrands AI as 'Super Intelligence' and assembles a task force to make sure America wins the race nobody else agreed to run.
2026-10-05
TechCrunch
2026-09-22
The Verge
San Francisco Sues Trump Media for Selling Early Access to Trump's Posts, Because Apparently Insider Trading Is Just a Subscription Now
San Francisco sues Trump Media for selling $100K-a-month early access to Trump's posts, because nothing says 'drain the swamp' like a paywall on market-moving tweets.
2026-08-20
BBC Business
Trump Announces 'Most Crushing' Economic Operation Against Iran, and Also the Entire Planet, Probably
Trump threatens 'most crushing' economic operation against Iran and any country that helps it, while failing to specify what that means - classic.
2026-08-15
The Guardian
Trump Plans to Add Strait of Hormuz to US Real Estate Portfolio
Trump eyes a new beachfront property: the Strait of Hormuz, international waters be damned.
2026-08-11
The Guardian
Trump's Media Empire Posts $238m Loss, Pivots to Selling Your President's Tweets to Hedge Funds
Trump's media company loses $238m, then decides to make money by selling early access to his Truth Social posts to Wall Street traders - because what could go wrong?
2026-08-02
BBC World
Trump Calls Off Iran Strikes, Says Deal 'Rapidly' Forthcoming - Which Definitely Never Happens
Trump calls off Iran strikes, claims a deal is imminent, while everyone else prepares for the worst - because 'rapidly' in diplomacy means 'maybe never.'
2026-08-01
The Guardian
Trump Selling Early Access to His Own Posts, Because Why Not Monetize the Presidency?
Trump launches a pay-to-play service for early access to his Truth Social posts, because why let policy announcements wait for the plebs?
2026-07-30
The Guardian
Trump Threatens to Shelve Attorney General Pick, Blames Republicans He Refused to Endorse
Trump offers to temporarily withdraw his attorney general pick because some Republicans he didn't endorse won't vote for him, which is definitely how you get people on your side.
2026-07-16
BBC Business
Truth Social to Sell Early Access to Trump's Market-Moving Rants, Because of Course
Truth Social launches a paid fast-lane for Wall Street to read Trump's posts before they tank the markets, because democracy is a subscription service now.
2026-07-08
The Guardian
Trump Ditches Fancy New Plane for Old Reliable, Claims It's to Show Off to the Troops (Not Because of Iran)
Trump swaps flashy new Qatari jet for old Air Force One after spending NATO summit claiming Iran is out to kill him, insists it's just to show off the plane to soldiers.
2026-06-11
The Guardian
Trump Threatens to Hit Iran 'Very Hard, Tonight' and Maybe Take an Island, Unless America Doesn't Have the Stomach for It
Trump threatens to bomb Iran and steal an island, then wonders if America has the stomach for it; Iran says bring it; ceasefire continues to be more of a suggestion.
2026-06-10
BBC World
Trump and Iran Trade Threats Like Angry Teens in a Group Chat, Only With More Missiles
Trump and Iran trade threats after strikes, with Trump declaring Iran 'completely defeated' and Iran vowing to answer every attack, proving diplomacy is going great.
2026-06-05
BBC World
Trump’s White House Ballroom Now Comes with a Drone Port, Underground Hospital, and a Doubled Price Tag - Because Why Not?
Trump’s White House ballroom has evolved from a party venue to a $400 million complex with a drone port, underground hospital, and secret military facilities - because nothing says "fiscal conservatism" like a tax-funded Bond villain lair.
2026-05-31
The Guardian Europe
Trump Plans 'America Is Back' Rally After Artists Realize They Have Better Things to Do
Trump goes on a Truth Social posting bender, announces rally to replace concerts nobody wanted to play, and shares AI-generated images of himself dunking on governors and riding with George Washington.
2026-05-09
The Guardian Europe
Trump Media Burns $406m in Quarter, Because Bitcoin and Fusion Dreams Aren't Cheap
Trump Media loses $406m in a quarter on bitcoin bets and fusion dreams while Truth Social continues to be a platform that mostly talks to itself.
The Good Times
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