King Charles kicked off the seventh session of the Scottish Parliament on Saturday with a ceremony that had everything: pageantry, poetry, drama, music, and a four-year-old who raised £70,000 by walking laps around his house. Because nothing says 'new political era' like a toddler with a walking frame out-fundraising most of us.

The event began with the Crown of Scotland being escorted down Edinburgh's Royal Mile, followed by a fanfare from the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland brass ensemble. Because if you're going to open a parliament, you might as well do it with some brass.

Presiding Officer Kenneth Gibson welcomed 65 new MSPs and took a moment to praise the Tartan Army for 'showcasing the very best of our people on a global stage' - before quipping that they'd still be in North America 'but for a couple of dodgy penalty decisions in the Morocco game.' So that's where we're at: international football heartbreak as a bonding exercise.

King Charles then addressed the chamber, urging MSPs to build a 'fair and prosperous society' and reminding them that debate should be 'carried out with respect and courtesy.' In other words: please don't turn Holyrood into a reality show. He also revisited his environmental concerns from 2024, noting that the planet's climate is 'changing dangerously' and biodiversity is 'seriously depleted.' Because apparently, even kings have to keep repeating themselves.

First Minister John Swinney responded by saying Scotland can 'absorb and overcome every passing storm' - which, given the weather, is either a metaphor or a weather forecast. He called for cooperation and renewal, adding in Gaelic that 'our people need us to work together.'

The ceremony closed with a bagpipe performance of 'Bonnie Dundee' and 'A Hundred Pipers' by MSP Stuart McMillan. Because nothing says 'bipartisan cooperation' like a politician who can also play the pipes.

Afterwards, the King and Queen met local heroes, including four-year-old Gregor Corse from Orkney, who raised £70,000 for charity despite a brain condition affecting his balance. He did laps around his house with a walking frame. Take that, all those sponsored silence people.