TechCrunch
Meta's Muse Out-Downloads ChatGPT's Early Days, Because of Course It Does
Meta's Muse app out-downloaded ChatGPT in its first 12 days, because nothing says innovation like leveraging a built-in audience of billions.
TechCrunch
TechCrunch
Nuclear Startup Hires Samsung to Build Reactor So Google Can Keep Asking AI to Write Haikus
Kairos Power enlists Samsung C&T to help build a nuclear reactor for Google's AI data centers, because nothing says clean energy like a $100 million "in-kind" handshake and a 2030 deadline.
The Hill
Fat Bear Week 2026 Opens, Because Democracy Wasn't Stressful Enough
Katmai National Park's annual Fat Bear Week returns, letting the public vote on which hibernation-bound brown bear has packed on the most pounds - because democracy deserves a lighter side.
BBC World
Xhaka Investigated Over Allegedly Forged Covid Certificate, Because Nothing Says 'Captain' Like a Paperwork Scandal
Swiss prosecutors investigate Granit Xhaka over an allegedly forged Covid certificate, proving that even midfield enforcers can't tackle bureaucracy.
The Verge
Xbox Controller Bundle Basically Pays You $20 to Take a Gift Card
Newegg bundles an Xbox controller with a $50 gift card for $80, effectively making the controller $30 - plus more deals that require slightly less mental math.
ScienceDaily
Black Holes, Regardless of Size, Apparently Follow the Same Jet-Setting Rule
Astronomers find black holes of all sizes throw their cosmic tantrums at the same two percent feeding threshold, proving the universe has a universal rule for everything except your Wi-Fi.
BBC Politics
Reform Wales Gets New Leader After Week That Included Arrest, Defection, and Probably Some Deep Breathing
Reform Wales has a new leader after a week that included an arrest, a defection, and a leadership vote that didn't involve the party membership. Nigel Farage calls it a 'bump in the road.'
The Guardian Europe
Epstein Survivors Face Financial Ruin While Congress Offers Thoughts, Prayers, and a Bill That Won't Pass
Epstein survivors are footing the bill for their own recovery while Congress introduces a bill that has roughly the same chance of passing as a snowball in hell.
The Hill
Airlines Get New Excuse to Say 'Not Our Fault' as DOT Reclassifies 10 Flight Disruptions
The DOT is reclassifying 10 flight disruption types as outside airline control, which means fewer meal vouchers and hotel stays for you - but hey, airlines save money.
The Guardian Europe
Air Traffic Control Glitch Fixed, Ryanair Still Sharpening Its Knives
Nats fixes its Prestwick glitch, Ryanair demands a head on a pike, Airbus builds planes, and bitcoin briefly remembers it's expensive.
The Guardian
Japan Braces for Dujuan's Typhoon Encore While Atlantic Hurricane Season Takes an Unscheduled Nap
Japan's Dujuan plays typhoon peekaboo while the Atlantic hurricane season sets a record for lateness, and Spain gets a heatwave because weather has no chill.
The Guardian Europe
Documentary Confirms Living Without Electricity Is Bad, Kinshasa Residents Remain Heroically Unsurprised
Documentary reveals that Kinshasa's electricity shortage has inspired candlelit dinners, glowing prayer medallions, and community-funded cable retrieval - because someone has to do the government's job.
BBC Health
Official Review Confirms Young People Aren't Snowflakes, Just Living in a Dumpster Fire
Official review confirms young people aren't snowflakes, just dealing with a toxic economy, social media, and an NHS that's 'not fit for purpose.'
The Guardian Europe
AI Eats All the Memory Chips, Apple Charges You £100 for the Privilege
AI datacentres have eaten all the memory chips, so Apple is charging you £100 more for an iPhone and calling it a folding-phone launch. The era of cheap gadgets is over.
The Guardian Europe
Equinox Arrives, Immediately Undermines Its Own Branding
The autumnal equinox arrives to remind us that 'equal night' is a Latin marketing slogan, not a measurable fact.
The Guardian
Australian Politicians Debate Fuel Excise While ACT Dangles $500,000 for Cold Cases
ACT offers $500k for cold case tips, Queensland says visa cuts are nuts, and the Coalition thinks cutting fuel excise during high oil prices is 'sensible.'
The Guardian Europe
China's MeToo Movement Now Held in Private, Preferably With Art Supplies
China's MeToo movement, once a public hashtag campaign, now operates in private art events and coded language as activists navigate censorship and await the release of journalist Sophia Huang Xueqin.
The Guardian
Australia's Deaths to Outnumber Births by 2060s, Because Nothing Says 'Bright Future' Like a Demographic Deadline
Australia's latest intergenerational report predicts deaths will outnumber births by the 2060s, because nothing says 'progress' like a demographic decline.
The Guardian Europe
France and Canada Forge Closer Ties While Trump Busy Redrawing Maps With a Sharpie
Macron and Carney meet on a tiny French island to strengthen ties, weeks after Trump casually claimed it on social media.
BBC Business
UK Government Says Stock Up on Beans and Tuna Because Climate Change Is Coming for Your Dinner
The UK government wants you to stock up on tinned fish and long-life milk because climate change is coming for your dinner. Here's what to buy and what to avoid.
The Good Times
News in your inbox.
One sardonic roundup, delivered on your schedule. Free. Unsubscribe whenever your tolerance for wit runs out.
Already subscribed but we never reach your inbox? Check your spam folder and hit 'Not spam' (or 'Remove from spam') to bust us out of junk-mail purgatory. You'll be helping everyone else too.