Millions of people across England and Wales had their evening interrupted by a siren blaring from their phones on Friday, as the government deployed its most aggressive use of the emergency alert system to date. The message, delivered around 7pm, carried the grim tidings that "there is a serious risk of wildfires nationally" - in case the scorching heat and smoke-filled skies hadn't already clued everyone in.

The deputy prime minister, Louise Haigh, described the alert as "the most extensive use to date" of the system, which is a bit like bragging about the biggest evacuation drill ever - technically impressive, but not exactly a comfort. The government's advice to the public: don't light barbecues, campfires, fireworks, or anything else that could turn your garden into a bonfire. And if you do spot a blaze, call 999 immediately - not tweet about it first.

Meanwhile, Andy Burnham was in Stourbridge on Friday, surveying the aftermath of fires that destroyed homes and injured residents in the West Midlands. The prime minister, with the dramatic flair of a weatherman predicting the apocalypse, warned that Britain "is a tinderbox right now" and that the public faces a "difficult weekend." To underscore the point, he announced a temporary national ban on the sale of disposable barbecues - because nothing says "crisis management" like outlawing cheap grills.

The military has been drafted in to help overstretched emergency services in south Wales, with about 100 personnel already deployed and another 100 expected by Friday evening. Their duties include distributing water, moving equipment, and providing logistical support - essentially, the armed forces as mobile task rabbits.

It's been a record year for wildfires in England and Wales, with the number of incidents so far surpassing the 1,017 recorded in all of 2025. Fire services have declared 11 major incidents in the last 24 hours alone, because why not add a few more to the tally?

"In response to the continued risk proposed by wildfires," Haigh said, "the government has taken the decision to issue an emergency alert to England and Wales. This is the most extensive use of the UK's emergency alert system in response to an active incident, and reflects the seriousness with which the government is acting to safeguard people and property." She added that "by following the safety guidance, everyone can play their part" - which is government-speak for "please don't be an idiot with a fire."

The government promises continued assistance, including the deployment of 100 additional military personnel in major incident areas. So as you're reading this, somewhere a soldier is probably handing out bottled water and wondering how they ended up in this role. Stay safe, Britain. And maybe invest in a fire extinguisher.