The Atlantic
CDC Confirms Kindergarten Vaccination Rates Are Now Officially a Historical Low, Thanks Everyone
Kindergarten vaccination exemptions hit a record high, and it's not because kids suddenly developed a fear of needles.
2026-08-25
The Atlantic
2026-08-23
The Guardian
Eight-Year-Old Dies After Brain-Eating Amoeba Joins Birthday Party
A brain-eating amoeba crashes an eight-year-old's birthday party in Louisiana, because the climate crisis is now serving up deadly microbes in new locations.
The Guardian
Warrant Issued for Mental Health Advocate Wanted Over Husband's Sharp-Object Demise
A mental health advocate is wanted for allegedly killing her police officer husband with a sharp object, while the city keeps the pond closed and everyone pretends the irony isn't deafening.
2026-08-22
The Verge
Why Does It Seem Like Food Recalls Are Out of Control? (Spoiler: They Might Be, Sort Of)
Food recalls are up, but fear not - it's not just your imagination, and the government's budget cuts are definitely not helping the situation.
2026-08-15
The Atlantic
Fauci's Text Messages: A Crime Against Humanity, or Just a Guy Texting His Colleagues?
Senator Ron Johnson releases Fauci's group chat, sparking claims of a 'crime against humanity' - but the texts just show a public-health official being appropriately cautious, which is apparently now a felony.
2026-08-13
The Atlantic
Trump's New Vaccine Order: Because Confusing Parents Once Just Wasn't Enough
The Trump administration's latest executive order on vaccines is a masterclass in confusing public health guidance, splitting MMR shots and targeting 'high-risk' groups only - because who needs evidence when you have executive orders?
2026-08-11
BBC Business
Taylor Farms Recalls Jalapeno Products After Salmonella Outbreak, Because Apparently One Parasite Wasn't Enough
Taylor Farms recalls jalapeno products amid salmonella scare, adding to its recent cyclospora outbreak - because one foodborne illness just wasn't enough for 2023.
2026-08-10
The Guardian
Louisiana's Beach Season Now With Extra Flesh-Eating Bacteria, Officials Remind You Not to Panic
Louisiana's Gulf waters are serving up a side of flesh-eating bacteria this summer, with cases and deaths up - thanks, climate change.
2026-08-04
Ars Technica
Explosive Diarrhea Outbreak Kills Two; Feds Somehow 'Aware' But Not Counting
Two people have died from explosive diarrhea caused by Cyclospora, and the CDC is 'aware' but hasn't updated its numbers. Meanwhile, RFK Jr. is cooking salads on YouTube.
2026-08-03
The Atlantic
Ticks Are Winning, Humans Are Losing: America's Bloodsucking Overlords Expand Their Empire
Ticks are winning, humans are losing, and the solution might involve killing deer, vaccinating them, or turning their blood into poison - welcome to the war against the many-legged menace.
2026-07-31
The Guardian
Cyclosporiasis Outbreak May Be Slowing, Test-Maker Hopes, Because Lettuce Is Now Socially Awkward
A test-maker says the cyclosporiasis outbreak may be slowing, but with so many caveats, we're not holding our lettuce.
2026-07-26
The Atlantic
Public Health Finally Realizes MAHA Might Have a Point, Even If It’s Also a Bit Unhinged
Public health experts might finally admit that the MAHA movement, for all its anti-vax weirdness, is tapping into real frustrations - and maybe it's time to show up and fight like we mean it.
2026-07-23
The Atlantic
FDA's Cyclosporiasis Response: A Case Study in How Not to Communicate a Parasite Outbreak
The FDA's cyclosporiasis response has been a confusing mess of slow alerts, false positives, and vague warnings, leaving even Taco Bell-loving food safety reporters unsure what's safe to eat.
2026-07-18
The Atlantic
Cyclosporiasis Outbreak Solved: It Was the Lettuce, Again, Because of Course It Was
Federal health agencies confirm shredded lettuce from Taco Bell caused the cyclosporiasis outbreak, but the handling was so confusing that Americans still don't know if their salad is safe.
2026-07-16
The Atlantic
Ebola Outbreak Reminds Us We're Great at Forgetting What We Learned
The third-largest Ebola outbreak ever shows we've learned some things, but the U.S. seems determined to unlearn the importance of actually maintaining the systems that stop pandemics.
2026-07-15
Ars Technica
Trump Admin’s Ebola Strategy: Strand Americans, Hope for the Best
Trump administration bars Americans in Ebola-stricken DRC from returning home, experts call it historically ineffective and harmful.
2026-07-14
Ars Technica
Taco Bell and Lettuce Named Prime Suspects in Explosive Diarrhea Outbreak
Lettuce and Taco Bell are the leading suspects in a massive Cyclospora outbreak that has sickened thousands, with Michigan bearing the brunt of the explosive diarrhea.
The Guardian
Michigan Points Finger at Lettuce in Parasite Outbreak, But Funding Cuts Don't Help
Michigan says lettuce might be behind a nasty parasite outbreak - and funding cuts aren't making the investigation any easier.
2026-07-11
The Atlantic
America's Parasite Problem: The Only Way to Avoid Explosive Diarrhea Is to Cook Your Salad
America is in the midst of a cyclosporiasis outbreak, and the only surefire way to avoid it is to cook your salad - welcome to the summer of sad, warm greens.
2026-07-08
Ars Technica
Michigan Suffers Explosive Diarrheal Outbreak; CDC Data on the Topic Proceeds at Its Own Pace
Michigan's diarrheal parasite outbreak hits 700+ cases, with officials hunting for the source while CDC data lags behind, as usual.
The Good Times
News in your inbox.
One sardonic roundup, delivered on your schedule. Free. Unsubscribe whenever your tolerance for wit runs out.
Already subscribed but we never reach your inbox? Check your spam folder and hit 'Not spam' (or 'Remove from spam') to bust us out of junk-mail purgatory. You'll be helping everyone else too.