The Guardian Europe
Newcastle and Everton Play Football, Somehow Without Goals or Excitement
Newcastle and Everton played a football match that had everything except goals, excitement, and basic competence - which is, apparently, the point.
The Guardian Europe
Newcastle and Everton played a football match that had everything except goals, excitement, and basic competence - which is, apparently, the point.
The Guardian Europe
Newcastle set an unwelcome club record by conceding in their 16th consecutive home game, while Aston Villa's Johan Manzambi scores against the team that wanted to sign him - because football is nothing if not petty.
The Guardian Europe
Football's transfer deadline day: where clubs spend millions on players, loan them out a year later, and hope nobody notices the gaps in the squad.
The Guardian Europe
Manchester City continue their squad fire sale, loaning Omar Marmoush to Spurs with a £50m obligation to buy, while also selling Nico González to Newcastle and shopping for more midfielders like it's going out of style.
The Guardian Europe
Bruno Guimarães swaps Newcastle for Arsenal, promising to run a lot, fight like a warrior, and finally stop fighting Declan Rice.
The Guardian Europe
Arsenal overpay for Bruno Guimarães, Newcastle cashes in, and Lyon gets a cut because football finances make no sense.
The Guardian Europe
A relegation six-pointer that's way too classy for the bottom of the table, featuring a Newcastle side that remembered how to score and a West Ham team that forgot how to keep the ball.
The Guardian Europe
Sunday's Premier League action features Burnley, who have won one league game since October, hosting Aston Villa, while Nottingham Forest and Newcastle play a mid-table battle that's actually pretty high-stakes.
The Good Times
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