The Guardian Europe
Football Transfer Rumours: The Annual Ritual of Staring into the Abyss Continues
Chelsea want £120m for an absent midfielder, Arsenal might pay £128m for a striker who's not training, and everyone pretends this is normal.
2026-08-28
The Guardian Europe
2026-08-27
The Guardian Europe
Champions League Draw Serves Up Real Madrid vs Arsenal, PSG vs City, and a Quiz Show Winner's Wild Ride
The Champions League draw happened, and it's a minefield of marquee matchups, a quiz show winner coaching Sabah, and Uefa's usual chaotic charm.
2026-08-24
The Guardian Europe
Booing Julian Alvarez at Atlético Might Just Have Pushed Him Toward Arsenal, as Football Transfers Continue to Be a Chaotic Mess
Football transfer rumors are as chaotic as ever, with boos, cash, and desperation driving moves across Europe.
2026-08-21
The Guardian Europe
Premier League Silly Season: Arsenal Splash £51m, Liverpool's Squad Is 'Quite Thin', and Hull Are 'Gone, Man'
Arsenal buys the league's best defender, Liverpool's squad is thinner than a supermodel's patience, Hull are doomed per the Coles, and Ronaldinho is apparently 46 and playing Serie C - it's the football silly season, folks.
2026-08-16
The Guardian Europe
Arsenal Eviscate City in Community Shield, Because Of Course They Did
Arsenal thrashed Man City 3-0 in the Community Shield, leaving Enzo Maresca with a debut to forget and the rest of us with a familiar feeling of inevitability.
2026-08-11
The Guardian Europe
Football Transfer Rumours: Vardy to West Ham? Zubimendi to Madrid? The Merry-Go-Round Continues
The summer transfer merry-go-round spins on, with Real Madrid eyeing Zubimendi, Arsenal shipping out attackers, and Jamie Vardy possibly returning to England at 39.
2026-08-08
The Guardian Europe
Bruno Guimarães Joins Arsenal, Promises to Run a Lot and Play Like a Warrior, Which Sounds Exhausting
Bruno Guimarães swaps Newcastle for Arsenal, promising to run a lot, fight like a warrior, and finally stop fighting Declan Rice.
2026-08-05
The Guardian Europe
Arsenal Finally Splash £75m on Bruno Guimarães, Because Who Needs a Defender Anyway
Arsenal overpay for Bruno Guimarães, Newcastle cashes in, and Lyon gets a cut because football finances make no sense.
2026-07-25
The Guardian Europe
Arsenal, in Shocking Twist, Reportedly Eye Vinícius Júnior Because Why Not Aim for the Stars
Arsenal, fresh off a Premier League title, are reportedly trying to sign Vinícius Júnior from Real Madrid, because apparently winning isn't enough - they want to do it with style and a Brazilian winger.
2026-06-13
The Guardian Europe
Manchester United Leads the 'Who Wants to Pay £80m for a Midfielder?' Derby
Manchester United leads the chase for West Ham's £80m Mateus Fernandes, while Arsenal winces at the price tag and Real Madrid's José Mourinho lurks menacingly.
2026-05-31
The Guardian Europe
Arsenal Lose Champions League Final on Penalties After Gabriel's Kick Goes Rogue, Leaving Fans to Contemplate Set Pieces Forever
Arsenal lose Champions League final on penalties to PSG after Gabriel's kick goes rogue, proving that football is still brilliantly cruel and undeniably good.
2026-05-23
BBC Politics
PM Starmer to TNT: Let the People Watch Their Football Final, You Monsters
PM Starmer channels his inner football fan and writes a strongly worded letter to TNT Sports, demanding they stop hiding the Champions League final behind a paywall. The corporation says £4.99 is a bargain.
2026-05-10
The Guardian Europe
West Ham vs Arsenal: A Match Where One Team Is Desperate Not to Be Relegated and the Other Is Desperate to Win the Thing That City Keeps Trying to Steal
West Ham face Arsenal with relegation looming, Arteta channels Champions League energy, and Pep Guardiola does his best hammer impersonation.
2026-05-05
The Guardian Europe
Arsenal's Champions League Semi-Final: Mikel Arteta Urges Team to 'Make Next Step' as Atlético Battle Resumes
Mikel Arteta urges Arsenal to reach first Champions League final in 20 years, with a 1-1 first-leg draw against Atlético Madrid and a 13-match unbeaten run backing them up.
2026-05-02
The Guardian Europe
Arsenal Win Without Cardiac Arrest, Fans Unsure What to Do With Their Hands
Arsenal thump Fulham 3-0 in a stress-free win, Saka returns to form, and Manchester City feel the heat from six points back with games in hand.
The Guardian Europe
Premier League Points Out It Has a Title Race While Europe's Leagues Are Basically Over
The Premier League insists it's exciting because it has a title race, while Europe's leagues are basically done - plus Championship drama, Arsenal's chance to lead, and the usual chaos.
2026-04-26
The Guardian Europe
Holders Arsenal Face Lyon in Women's Champions League Semi-Final, Because of Course They Do
Arsenal holders face Lyon in Women's Champions League semi-final; Olivia Smith finds roots, Gigi finds inner strength.
2026-04-25
The Guardian Europe
Arsenal’s Olivia Smith Breaks £1m Barrier, Now Just Needs to Figure Out Where She Lives
Arsenal’s Olivia Smith, fresh off breaking the £1m transfer record, contemplates the shock of staying put for a second season while chasing Champions League glory.
The Good Times
News in your inbox.
One sardonic roundup, delivered on your schedule. Free. Unsubscribe whenever your tolerance for wit runs out.
Already subscribed but we never reach your inbox? Check your spam folder and hit 'Not spam' (or 'Remove from spam') to bust us out of junk-mail purgatory. You'll be helping everyone else too.