SpaceNews
Starcloud Orders SpaceX Lasers for Orbital Data Centers, Because Ground-Based Internet Was Getting Too Convenient
Starcloud buys Starlink lasers to turn space into a data center, because ground-based internet was just too reliable.
SpaceNews
Ars Technica
Study Suggests Earth’s Oxygen Boost Came From Stashing Carbon and Sulfur in the Mantle, Like a Planetary Hoarder
New research suggests Earth got its oxygen boost by shoving carbon and sulfur deep into the mantle - a planetary version of hiding your junk in the closet.
Ars Technica
Hugging Face's $2,500 3D-Printable Robot Legs: Perfect for Stumbling Toward the Future
Hugging Face releases $2,500 3D-printable humanoid legs, because spending $150,000 on a robot that falls over is so last decade.
The Guardian Europe
Donald Trump Completes Physical, Declares Everything 'PERFECTLY' Fine
America's oldest-ever president aces his physical, blames boredom for any nap-related optics, and reminds everyone he's still younger than Biden.
BBC World
Belgian Minibus Finds Out Why Level Crossing Barriers Exist
A school minibus driver in Belgium ignored a downed barrier at a level crossing, resulting in a train collision that killed two children and two adults. This is why we have barriers.
The Guardian Europe
Woman Fired for Facebook Post About Charlie Kirk Gets $225,000 and a Lesson in the First Amendment
Ball State pays $225,000 to a woman fired for a Facebook post about the late Charlie Kirk, proving that the First Amendment is still a thing - and that screenshots can be expensive.
The Guardian
South East Water Asks Residents to Use Water Only for 'Essentials' After Using 100m Extra Litres on a Monday
South East Water asks residents to stop filling paddling pools after using 100m extra litres in a day, while customers who lost water for days suggest the company might want to look inward instead.
NYT Arts
Free Theater in NYC: 15 Live Shows to Brave Mosquitoes and Raccoon Co-Stars This Spring and Summer
NYC offers 15 free outdoor theater shows this spring and summer, where you can enjoy Shakespeare, Chekhov, and newer works alongside raccoons, mosquitoes, and sweaty strangers.
BBC Business
BP Shows Its Chairman the Door After Concerns Over 'Bullying' and 'Overbearing' Vibes
BP ejects chairman Albert Manifold after less than a year for 'bullying' and 'overbearing' behavior, while profits double thanks to war.
ZDNet
We Pointed Three Phones at Distant Things for 100x Zoom. One Was Not Impressed.
A comparison of 100x zoom on the Samsung Galaxy S26 Ultra, Pixel 10 Pro, and Motorola Razr Fold reveals that the foldable phone outshines the zoom pioneer, while the Pixel plays sparkle animations and the Galaxy just shrugs.
Ars Technica
China's Rocket Bodies Are Cluttering Space at a Rate That Would Make a Soviet Blush
China's rocket bodies are cluttering low-Earth orbit at an alarming rate, while the rest of the spacefaring world slowly cleans up its act.
The Atlantic
Surviving a School Shooting: A Guide Nobody Should Need, But Here We Are
A survivor of two school shootings offers a wry guide to coping with an experience that, in America, apparently needs its own manual.
The Guardian Europe
Woman Stares Into Water Bottle Abyss, Abyss Stares Back With Mold
Journalist discovers that neglecting to clean a trendy water bottle for a year results in mold, proving that even Oxford grads aren't immune to basic hygiene failures.
ScienceDaily
Large Hadron Collider Detects Particle Misbehavior That Could Finally Give the Standard Model Something to Worry About
The Large Hadron Collider's penguin-shaped particle decays are acting up, and physicists are one statistical wiggle away from rewriting the rulebook of the universe.
BBC Business
Jersey Voters: Eggs Are Up 119%, Housing Is a Fantasy, and We Really Miss the Old Ferry
Jersey voters in Grouville and St Martin air grievances over soaring egg prices, a new flat-rate ferry freight that isn't helping, and a housing market that makes staying feel like a miracle away.
The Atlantic
Trump Leaves Over 100 Ambassador Posts Empty, Because Who Needs Diplomats When You've Got Vibes?
The Trump administration has left over 100 ambassador posts empty, preferring to conduct diplomacy through family and cronies - because who needs actual diplomats when you've got vibes and goodfellas?
Inside Climate News
Rural Virginians Fight Giant Power Lines Meant to Feed the AI Gods - and Their Hostas Are Not Happy
Rural Virginians are fighting a $1 billion power line project that would bring 12-story towers and data center sprawl to their countryside - all so AI can keep dreaming big.
BBC World
Delhi's Most Exclusive Club Faces Eviction, Sparking Nostalgia for a City That's Already Gone
Delhi's 113-year-old Gymkhana Club, bastion of whisky-soaked elite negotiations, gets eviction notice from government needing 'defence infrastructure' - cue sudden nostalgia from people who never got past the waiting list.
ZDNet
Flipper One: The Linux Cyberdeck That Makes Raspberry Pi Feel Like a Toy
Flipper Devices unveils the Flipper One, an open Linux cyberdeck that makes Raspberry Pi look like a hobby project - with an octa-core chip, M.2 slot, and the ability to run local LLMs without crying.
The Guardian
B&Q Blames Wet Easter for Slow Sales, Pins Hopes on Heatwave That Probably Won't Last Either
B&Q blames a wet Easter for slow sales of BBQs and garden gear, but hopes a heatwave will rescue its bottom line - because British weather is nothing if not reliably unreliable.
The Good Times
News in your inbox.
One sardonic roundup, delivered on your schedule. Free. Unsubscribe whenever your tolerance for wit runs out.