The Guardian
Kennedy Center Ceiling Collapses, Giving Trump Renovation Plans a Rather Timely Assist
A ceiling collapses at the Kennedy Center, and suddenly Trump's renovation plans have an unexpected - and rather convenient - new argument.
2026-09-06
The Guardian
2026-08-23
BBC World
Trump Waves Green Flag, Because Nothing Says 250 Years of Democracy Like 190mph Cars
Trump waves the green flag for an IndyCar race through DC, because nothing says '250 years of democracy' like 190mph cars and $5,000 tickets.
2026-08-14
The Guardian
Woman Arrested for Vandalizing WWII Memorial, Because Nothing Says 'Patriotic Dissent' Like Soap Bubbles
A woman gets arrested for spray-painting and soaping up the WWII Memorial, because apparently 'Clean hands dirty $' is the new 'Kilroy was here.'
2026-07-05
The Guardian
Patriot Front Celebrates America's 250th Birthday by Parading Confederate Flag Through DC
Neo-fascist group Patriot Front marks July 4th by marching through DC with Confederate flags, chanting about liberty, and reminding everyone that history is complicated.
2026-07-04
The Guardian Europe
Great American State Fair Brings Heat, Disappointment, and a Surprising Number of Cooling Towels
The Great American State Fair promised an unforgettable birthday party but delivered heatstroke, sparse crowds, and a desperate search for air conditioning and cooling towels.
The Atlantic
Washington, D.C. Becomes Hell Just in Time for America's 250th Birthday
D.C. hits 102°F with a heat index of 117, and tourists discover that the Reflecting Pool is fenced off due to algae, not for their safety.
2026-06-21
The Guardian
Trump Vows to Drain Troubled Reflecting Pool, Blames Vandals for Algae and Peeling Paint
Trump blames vandals for algae-ridden, peeling Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool, threatens prosecution while pool gets hydrogen peroxide bath.
2026-06-04
The Guardian
Vatican's DC Exorcist Gets the Boot for Blaming UFOs on Demons
A DC exorcist gets the boot for suggesting UFOs are demons, proving that even the devil's PR team can't spin this one.
2026-05-24
BBC World
Man Who Really, Really Wanted to Enter White House Shot Dead After Firing at Secret Service
A 21-year-old with a documented history of mental health issues and a previous arrest for trying to enter the White House is shot dead after firing at Secret Service; Trump is safe, plugs a ballroom.
2026-04-27
The Guardian
DoJ Tells Historic Preservation Group to Drop Lawsuit: 'Think of the Ballroom Safety, Not the Law'
DoJ uses a shooting at the Washington Hilton to argue that demolishing the White House's East Wing for a $400m ballroom is essential for safety, while demanding a preservation group drop its lawsuit or face legal consequences.
The Good Times
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