In a move that will surely shock no one, the Green Party has accused the Labour government of not doing enough about the weather. Zack Polanski, the Green Party leader, has declared that Labour's response to this summer's heatwaves constitutes a 'dereliction of duty,' and he's not just talking about the lack of complimentary ice cream.

Speaking in central London, Polanski warned that the threat to public health and food supplies from extreme heat is 'the biggest threat to this country since the Second World War.' Record temperatures, wildfires, and droughts have made it clear that immediate action is needed, he said, proposing 'cool spaces' accessible to the public and financial support for heatproofing homes. Because nothing says 'we care' like a government-funded shade structure.

But Labour fired back, accusing the Greens of hypocrisy for repeatedly opposing new reservoirs and clean energy projects. 'If Zack Polanski wants to tackle the climate crisis, he should start by telling his fellow Green Party politicians that actions speak louder than words,' a Labour spokesperson said, presumably while fanning themselves with a report on solar farms.

Polanski also called on Andy Burnham, who entered Downing Street two weeks ago (yes, that Andy Burnham), to show more urgency and convene an emergency Cobra meeting on the issue. He criticized the government for 'pretending none of this is happening,' which is a bold claim considering the country is literally on fire.

Among Polanski's immediate demands: free 'cool spaces' in every local area, blocking new oil and gas drilling licences, scrapping the Rosebank and Jackdaw fields in Scotland, and a new wildfire strategy including 'firefighting helicopters where needed.' He also renewed his call for renationalizing the water sector in England to boost investment in reservoirs, arguing that future droughts justify public ownership.

Labour, however, pointed out that the Greens have 'repeatedly opposed plans for new reservoirs and clean energy projects' at the local level, citing Green councillors calling for a public inquiry into a mega-reservoir in Oxfordshire and objections to solar farms in Norfolk. It's almost as if they want to solve the problem without actually building anything.

Burnham, for his part, has expressed support for greater 'public control' of the water sector, but has stopped short of full renationalisation. He proposed a model similar to Greater Manchester's bus network, where private operators bid to run services under local authority control. What that would mean for water remains as clear as mud.

As the UK swelters through yet another record-breaking summer, with farmers warning of food shortages and wildfires raging across Europe, one thing is certain: the debate over how to handle the heat is just heating up.