Donald Trump has announced that Iran has agreed to never have a nuclear weapon, which is the kind of ironclad promise that has historically worked out great for everyone involved. The announcement came amid a flurry of activity around a US-Iran framework peace agreement, the full text of which remains as publicly available as a secret menu item at a speakeasy.
The agreement includes a ceasefire in Lebanon but notably does not call for Israeli troops to withdraw from occupied areas there, because why start now? Lebanon's Prime Minister Nawaf Salam is diplomatically trying to change that, while Hezbollah marked the occasion by attacking an Israeli force with rockets and drones. An Israeli drone also killed a driver in Lebanon, marking the first deadly strike since the deal was announced - a real 'peace in our time' vibe.
Benjamin Netanyahu, in his first public address post-deal, said Israeli forces would stay in Lebanon, Gaza, and Syria “for as long as necessary,” and also announced he’s running for re-election, because nothing says stability like an election campaign during a multi-front conflict.
On the economic front, three oil tankers and two cargo ships have bravely transited the Strait of Hormuz, which had been under a US naval blockade. Trump assured the public that the strait would be “completely open” by Friday, and global oil prices promptly dropped below $84 a barrel - the market's way of saying it approves of fewer naval blockades.
The Financial Times reported that the Trump administration is prepared to allow a $300bn investment fund for Iran if a final nuclear deal is reached. Trump called this “fake news,” which is his way of saying he doesn't want to be seen rewarding the Islamic regime, even if the reward comes in the form of a giant investment fund rather than a giant novelty check.
Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, Iranian Americans attending the Iran vs. New Zealand World Cup match found themselves torn between excitement, anger at Tehran's crackdown on protesters, and concern about Washington's bombing campaign - the emotional trifecta of modern fandom. Some fans smuggled in pre-revolutionary lion-and-sun flags, which FIFA has theoretically banned, but security apparently decided that enforcing that rule was someone else's problem.
Former US ambassador to Israel Dan Shapiro called the deal “very weak,” predicting the US will enter nuclear negotiations from a position of weakness and without a credible threat of force. But hey, at least the ships are moving.