Ah, the joys of air travel: cramped seats, overpriced snacks, and now, the thrilling new game of 'Will My Flight Actually Depart?' At Sydney Airport, travellers were treated to delays of up to 120 minutes across 75 Qantas and Jetstar flights, plus four glorious cancellations. Virgin Australia joined the fun with 50 delayed flights, while Rex forced passengers to disembark after an hour of tarmac limbo.

The culprit? Airservices Australia, which cited 'operational restrictions to safely manage projected airborne and departure demands' - a bureaucratic way of saying 'somebody called in sick.' Stephen Beckett, chief executive of Airlines for Australia and New Zealand, was less than amused: 'The national network cannot grind to a halt because two or three people call in sick.' Quite right. Next time, we suggest they just prop up a scarecrow in the control tower.

Airservices has since removed the restrictions, claiming 'no further significant delays are anticipated.' We'll believe it when we're actually in the air.

Meanwhile, Atlassian, the Sydney-founded software giant, had a much better week. Despite laying off 1,600 workers (about 10% of its workforce, including nearly 500 Aussies) back in March, the company's share price surged over 35% after beating expectations. Revenue for the fourth quarter of the 2025-2026 financial year hit almost US$1.8bn (A$2.4bn), a tidy 28% increase. CEO Mike Cannon-Brookes credits their 'Teamwork Graph' - a background system that collates work data into a map. Apparently, in the AI era, context is the edge, and hiring people is so last decade.

In other news, the Alan Jones indecent assault trial continues, with complainant J facing tough cross-examination. Jones's barrister, Gabrielle Bashir SC, is challenging J's memory of events at Fitzroy Falls, suggesting he's mixed up dates and details. J, however, maintains his account, describing being 'as scared as I've ever been' during the alleged assaults. Jones has pleaded not guilty to 22 charges involving six men. We'll keep you posted - this trial's got more twists than a soap opera.

And finally, because no news roundup is complete without a statue controversy: Shadow treasurer Tim Wilson suggests the planned statue of former Victorian premier Daniel Andrews (cost: $134,304) risks 'becoming a public urinal.' Wilson recommends cutting the project, arguing the state can't afford it. We're not sure if that's a commentary on Andrews's legacy or public hygiene, but it's certainly a memorable soundbite.