In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Republicans have once again blocked a war powers resolution, this time after Democrats grilled Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth over what they called Trump's 'unauthorized war' in Iran. Hegseth's attempt to spin the ongoing conflict as a triumph was immediately undercut by Senator Jack Reed, who called his claims 'dangerously exaggerated,' and by a protester who succinctly shouted, 'You're a war criminal!' It's the kind of feedback that really makes you question your talking points.

Meanwhile, in a separate but equally surreal development, the federal prosecutor in DC, Jeanine Pirro, released edited security-camera footage of the alleged would-be assassin Cole Allen's attempt to storm the White House Correspondents' Dinner. The video, which conveniently lacks audio and features annotations, shows four muzzle flashes from a Secret Service agent's gun, but is less clear on whether Allen actually fired his Mossberg 12-gauge pump-action shotgun before tripping over a metal detector box. Sean Curran, the Secret Service director, told Fox News that Allen wasn't stopped by bullets but by the box, which he tripped over. The public defenders have requested any evidence that might contradict the government's theory, including any info that Allen didn't shoot Officer V.G., who was reportedly hit in the chest while wearing a ballistic vest. The government insists its investigation is ongoing and that ballistics show Allen fired at least once. So, a typical day in Trump's America.

But the real headline, of course, is the floor. During an Oval Office event, Trump, after boasting about strikes on Iran's nuclear facility, launched into a monologue about the new black granite walkway in the colonnade, which he claims is 'rated to a million years.' He held the press pack hostage to admire his handiwork, leading to a parade of rightwing correspondents gushing over the stone like it was the second coming. Peter Doocy of Fox News told his followers it's 'rated to a million years,' while Brian Glenn of Real America's Voice declared it 'an exclusive look at this special flooring.' Daniel Baldwin of One American News inspected it as if it were the Holy Grail. Never mind that granite paving stones typically last about 100 years, or that Trump was photographed walking on the floor earlier that day, contradicting his claim that he hadn't stepped on it yet. But who needs facts when you have flawless granite?

In other news, Congress passed a 45-day extension of warrantless spying powers, because why not? And Tim Walz announced he's heading to Maine to campaign for Graham Platner, the military veteran and oysterman running against Susan Collins. Platner, who has a past marred by questionable social media posts and a Nazi symbol tattoo he claims he didn't recognize, has somehow led in the polls with support from Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren. It's a strange world indeed.