Bryan Johnson, the man who famously wants to live forever, has an incurable autoimmune disease. The internet’s most famous biohacker announced on June 30th that he has autoimmune gastritis (AIG), where his immune system attacks his stomach acid-producing cells. This has sparked a wave of sympathy - and a wave of schadenfreude from wellness influencers who are all too happy to say "I told you so."

"This is the guy that spends $2 million a year biohacking his way to immortality," says influencer organicbunny in an Instagram reel, speculating that Johnson's Botox and GLP-1 meds caused his diagnosis - based on cherry-picked studies and zero actual knowledge of his health. Other TikTokers theorize that his hypervigilance trained his nervous system to see everything as a threat, or that his plant-based diet and sun protection backfired. The irony is thick enough to spread on toast.

Johnson, predictably, has his own theory: he blames sugary cereals from his youth. Because why let a little thing like an autoimmune disease stop you from being the main character in your own longevity drama? He's already announced plans to sequence 1 million of his immune cells to find a cure. I unironically love that for him - though I think I speak for most of the internet when I say we could do without the updates about him and his girlfriend's vaginal microbiome.

But beneath the schadenfreude, there's a relatable story. Johnson's journey to diagnosis took years, with doctors shrugging at his low iron levels because he didn't fit the criteria for anemia. It wasn't until a biopsy revealed AIG. Anyone with a chronic illness knows that desperate quest for answers - the existential dread of something feeling off with no one able to tell you why. I've been there myself with my own health issues.

The point of health tools, from wearables to supplements, is to regain balance. But balance isn't about optimizing every last biomarker into oblivion. It's knowing when to eat the birthday cake and when to go for a fart walk. It's accepting that we're all afraid to die, but living joyfully means letting go of the illusion that we can control death. Bryan Johnson may not get that - but at least he's giving us all excellent content.