The Verge
Abbott's New Sensor Watches Your Ketones So You Don't End Up in the ER Like This Writer Did
Abbott's new CGM tracks ketones to prevent diabetic emergencies, but will it save us or just give us more data to obsess over?
The Verge
TechCrunch
Hackers Apparently Stole 150 Million IDs, Because Of Course They Did
150 million driver's licenses and passports reportedly stolen from an ID verification firm - because storing everyone's most sensitive data in one place always ends well.
NASA
Hubble Spots a New Decagon Around Saturn's South Pole, Because Six Sides Was So Last Season
Saturn's south pole has grown a new 10-sided atmospheric wave, because one giant polygon wasn't enough - now scientists get to watch it develop in real time.
The Guardian
Green Party Members Give Zack Polanski the Nod for a Seat Labour Considers Its Own
Green Party members have thrown their weight behind Zack Polanski for a byelection in a Labour stronghold, because who doesn't love a good political gamble?
BBC Business
Uber to Cut 3,000 Jobs in Restructuring, Because Too Many Layers Slows Down the 'Biggest Opportunities Ahead'
Uber cuts 3,000 jobs to streamline, making it leaner and meaner, while investors cheer and employees wonder if they're the ones getting streamlined.
The Guardian Europe
Vuelta a España: Britain's Brennan Seals Hat-Trick of Stage Wins, Proving First Grand Tour Is the Best Place for a Collection
Young Brit Matthew Brennan wins a hat-trick of Vuelta stages, while Lewis Askey makes grandparents proud at the Tour of Britain. Cycling: it's like collecting stamps but sweatier.
BBC World
Zelensky to Airlines: Russian Airspace Now With Extra Drones, Please Adjust
Ukraine warns airlines that Russia's sky is filling with drones, Putin calls it terrorism, and airlines are left playing a high-stakes game of 'will they or won't they' overflight.
The Verge
OpenAI's Astra May Be the 'Single Worst Development for AI Security' - And It's Also Delayed
OpenAI's new model Astra may be a security nightmare wrapped in a black box, and even its own researchers are worried - but hey, at least it's delayed.
The Guardian
Pop-Up Day Camp for Young Wildfire Survivors Proves That Sometimes the Cavalry Shows Up with Name Tags and Laser Tag
When wildfires torched Spokane, a pop-up day camp swooped in with laser tag and Abby Cadabby to give traumatized kids a sense of normalcy - because nothing says 'you're safe' like a gratitude circle.
The Guardian
Feeling Lucky? Now You Can Bet on the Apocalypse (Terms and Conditions Apply)
Prediction markets are now letting people bet on wildfires, heatwaves, and coral die-offs - because nothing says 'climate action' like gambling on the apocalypse.
The Atlantic
America's Produce Aisle Now a Surprise Party for Parasites, Bacteria, and Printing Ink
From parasite-laced lettuce to ink-stained tofu, America's food safety system may be crumbling - but at least the outbreaks aren't worse (yet).
The Verge
Belkin's Kid Headphones Now 25 Percent Quieter On Your Wallet
Kid-friendly headphones get a 25% discount, because protecting their ears shouldn't cost full price.
SpaceNews
Agile Space Industries Cuts Ribbon, Expands Durango HQ to 40,000 Square Feet of Rocket-Powered Ambition
Agile Space Industries doubles its Durango HQ to 40,000 square feet, adds in-house vibration testing, and celebrates with ribbon-cutting fanfare because rocket science needs more room.
BBC Politics
Burnham's PMQs Debut Proves New Politics Still Means Old Punch-Ups
Andy Burnham's first PMQs showed that even a social media-savvy PM can't escape the ancient ritual of political mud-wrestling.
The Guardian Europe
UK Banks Rake in £200bn, Politicians Consider Asking Nicely for Some of It Back
UK banks have made £200bn in five years, and now politicians want a slice - but Europe's windfall tax experiments suggest it's not always a walk in the park.
Pitchfork
Andy Stott Returns From Five-Year Hiatus With an Album Made of Almost Nothing - and We Mean That as a Compliment
Five years later, Andy Stott returns with an album made without bass, reverb, or effects - proving that less is more, or at least that delay units are underrated.
The Verge
Your Robot Butler Dreams: Cute, But It Can't Even Open Your Detergent
Humanoid home robots are having a moment, but they can't even open a detergent bottle. Maybe a smart-home robot brain is the real future.
BBC World
Ceasefire? What Ceasefire? Gaza Death Toll Passes 900 This Year, Ministry Says
A 'ceasefire' that's killed over 900 people this year - because apparently, peace plans are more like suggestions.
ScienceDaily
Physicists Go Hunting for One Exotic Particle, Stumble Upon Two Weird Ones Instead
Physicists hunting for one exotic particle ended up with two surprise structures, proving once again that the universe has a sense of humor.
BBC World
Nepal-Tibet Flood: Thousands Missing, Recovery Begins, and the Search for the Living Continues
Thousands remain missing after a deadly flash flood in Nepal and Tibet, rescue turns to recovery, and the death toll is expected to rise as remote areas struggle for access.
The Good Times
News in your inbox.
One sardonic roundup, delivered on your schedule. Free. Unsubscribe whenever your tolerance for wit runs out.
Already subscribed but we never reach your inbox? Check your spam folder and hit 'Not spam' (or 'Remove from spam') to bust us out of junk-mail purgatory. You'll be helping everyone else too.