In a night of Europa League and Conference League action that produced 18 matches, 43 goals, and at least one goalkeeper who will be having nightmares, the final scores are in - except for the one that wasn't, until Dion Beljo scored a 96th-minute penalty to give Dinamo Zagreb a 1-0 win over Anderlecht. So, all of them, eventually.
The full slate: Benfica 4-1 Celtic, Bournemouth 3-0 Sturm Graz, Celta Vigo 1-2 Juventus, Dinamo Zagreb 1-0 Anderlecht, Ferencvaros 2-1 Viktoria Plzen, Hoffenheim 2-3 Besiktas, Jagiellonia Bialystock 3-1 Ararat Armenia, Marseille 0-1 Olympiacos, NEC 1-1 Levski Sofia, Rennes 2-1 OFI, Atalanta 3-1 AE Pafos, Brann 2-1 Lincoln Red Imps, Brighton 4-0 Kauno Zalgiris, Copenhagen 3-0 Braga, Freiburg 3-2 Jablonec, Hearts 1-1 Nordsjaelland, Sint-Truiden 2-0 Iberia 1999, and Twente 1-0 Thun.
At Benfica, Celtic's evening got off to a ghastly start when Jhon Duran went down in the box with not even four minutes on the clock, and Duran himself converted the penalty with a cheeky Panenka over Viljami Sinisalo - a call that seemed harsh, but football rarely apologises. Alexander Bah made it 2-0 after the entire Celtic defence fell asleep during a prolonged passing move, allowing him to volley in unnoticed. Celtic did get one back through Duran - not Jhon, but Camilo Durán, who ran across his marker and capitalised on goalkeeper Anatoliy Trubin's foolish decision to come for a cross. That was the third goal of the evening scored by someone named Duran, though it does not count as a hat-trick. Evangelos Pavlidis added a late fourth for Benfica, sealing a dominant performance that left Martin O'Neill's side looking pretty grim.
Bournemouth doubled their lead against Sturm Graz through a goalkeeping error - Khudyakov came to claim a corner, tried to catch instead of punch, failed, and the ball fell to Rocha Rayan, who avoided the prone keeper and finished low. Álvaro Rodríguez completed the 3-0 scoring from the spot. Bournemouth also hit the post and had a goal disallowed for what was probably a handball. Earlier, Evanilson scored a header of genuine quality, power-flicking a cross from the near post high over the keeper and in at the far post. If the referee's name rings a bell, it may be because Jerome Brisard was the VAR who angered the whole of Egypt at this summer's World Cup.
Juventus came from behind to win 2-1 at Celta Vigo. Hugo Alvarez had given Celta the lead, poking in from close range, but Marcos Alonso chested a cross straight to Woltemade for the equaliser - a decision that puzzled everyone, including presumably himself - and Randal Muani turned in a left-wing cross from close range to seal it.
Brighton thumped Kauno Zalgiris 4-0. Jack Hinshelwood's goal survived a VAR check for whether the ball went out of play, and Brighton had 10 shots (three on target) to Kauno's zero on-target efforts. Matt O'Riley headed in after a Kauno defender took three touches along his own byline, each one reducing his space, before giving the ball away. Osman then released Rutter for what was very close to a tap-in, with goalkeeper Svedkauskas completely out of position.
Hearts were broken in the final minutes against Nordsjaelland, drawing 1-1 despite having more than twice as many shots on target as the visitors. Oisin McEntee had turned in a corner that was hilariously miskicked by Mendy, but Reus was profoundly wrong-footed when Rojkjaer's 20-yard shot came off the head of McCart.
Brann and Lincoln Red Imps finished 1-1 in goals and 10-10 in players, after Lincoln's Gabri received a second yellow card and Niklas Castro sent an excellent free-kick in off the woodwork. Ararat conceded a frankly pathetic goal at Jagiellonia Bialystock: goalkeeper to defender, defender to defender, calamitous miscontrol, and Ousmane Sow finished easily from the edge of the area. Kamil Jozwiak had equalised for Jagiellonia earlier, turning in a rebound. Zidane Banjaqui had given Ararat the lead by poking through the advancing goalkeeper's legs just before the two collided.
Rennes beat OFI 2-1 after Mahamadou Nagida equalised with a gorgeous outside-of-the-boot curler, but OFI had taken the lead when Taxiarchis Fountas was entirely unmarked to head in a cross. Freiburg beat Jablonec 3-2, with Vincenzo Grifo scoring an excellent free-kick. Sint-Truiden beat Iberia 1999 2-0 after having an earlier goal ruled out for offside. Atalanta beat AE Pafos 3-1, with Eljif Elmas sweeping in from the edge of the area and a penalty among the goals. Copenhagen beat Braga 3-0, with former Celtic player Mohamed Elyounoussi opening the scoring. Hoffenheim lost 3-2 to Besiktas, Marseille lost 1-0 to Olympiacos, NEC drew 1-1 with Levski Sofia, Ferencvaros beat Viktoria Plzen 2-1, and Twente beat Thun 1-0.
In League One, Mansfield equalised against Oxford and had five minutes to find a winner, aided by Oxford being down to nine men after Kioso and O'Donkor both received second bookings. In other news, Celtic fans are still harking back to 1967, which was nearly 60 years ago and confirms how far they have fallen, according to one Simon McMahon, who also noted that other Scottish clubs have spent years watching Celtic buy their best players for a pittance, win everything domestically, and then blame lack of competition for European failure. You can't really blame Celtic for finding it hard to win major European trophies these days - the whole world of football has shifted against them.
Pre-match, much was made of Feyenoord's Gjivai Zechiël, one of the hottest midfielders in Europe and arguably the most rapid emergence of any high-level player in 2026. His pronunciation guide: the Dutch G is guttural, kHEE-vye, and the surname is ZEH-kee-el. The manager Marco Silva came to Benfica because he wanted to win things, and you've got a good chance when you're at Benfica - you have to earn the right to play, do lots of things off the ball, but most importantly when you're on it, have confidence. We'll have the opportunity to play, and that's exactly what you want: confidence in yourself and in your teammates.