If it’s early August, it must be Celebrity Hunted’s annual series in aid of Stand Up to Cancer. The dozen celebrities must evade capture for two weeks - a shorter time than civilians are required to manage it. Is it because celebrity schedules are fuller or their brains emptier? By the end of the first couple of episodes, the answer is becoming painfully clear.

The contestants, working in six pairs, include Britain’s last vaudevillian Brian Conley (“I’m like a coiled sponge!”) and his daughter Lucy (“Dad! Stop being funny”), TV property presenter siblings - a sort of hyphenate from hell - Scarlette and Stuart Douglas, plus comedians Jen Brister and Laura Smyth. In a game where predictability is the greatest predictor of failure, they may have the best plan. “I’m just not going to take my HRT for a week and let’s see what happens,” says Jen.

This near-hour of frothing wildness, in aid of Stand Up to Cancer, is utter chaos - interspersed with awareness-raising videos full of dignity and grace. The contrast is jarring, like a clown car crashing into a memorial service. But if this lot can outwit our national security, we’re all in trouble. Celebrity Hunted is on Channel 4.