The Verge
Kia Unveils Electric Van That Americans Will Probably Never Get to Buy
Kia reveals its PV7 electric van with a 96.2kWh battery and 285.8 miles of WLTP range - and America, as usual, may only get to watch.
The Verge
BBC World
Nigeria Arrests Alleged Mexican Drug Kingpin, Discovers Meth Lab Because Apparently That's Just a Thing That Happens Now
Mexico's drug cartels have discovered Nigeria's forests make excellent meth labs, because nothing says 'restaurant business venture' like a lab coat and a reaction pot.
BBC World
Canada to Global Investors: We're a Safe Harbour, Not Just a Polite Apology
Canada rolls out the welcome mat for investors with C$120tn in assets, because nothing says 'safe harbour' like a trade war and a privatisation spree.
TechCrunch
Startup That Helps Brands Get Noticed by AI Raises $180M, Because Apparently That's a Thing Now
Profound raises $180M at a $1.8B valuation to help brands show up in AI search results, because apparently we've already ruined the internet and need to ruin AI too.
The Guardian
Welsh Actor Wins Two Emmys, Proves Small Nation Can Still Produce People Who Win Emmys
Matthew Rhys wins two Emmys in one night, thanks Wales, and reminds everyone that Michael Sheen is probably still winning at something else.
The Guardian Europe
ICE Loses Count of Detainee Miscarriages, Because Counting Is Apparently Hard When You Don't Want to Know
ICE detained a record number of pregnant immigrants, then lost track of how many miscarried - a bureaucratic oversight that DHS had never previously admitted, even to senators.
BBC World
Japan Hits 100,000 Centenarians, Promptly Realises It Forgot to Have Babies
Japan now has 107,677 centenarians - 88% of them women - while its fertility rate sits at 1.14 and the population quietly shrinks. Congratulations and condolences.
BBC Politics
Unions to Government: Your Immigration Plan Is a 15-Year Wait, Not a Policy
Unions say making care workers wait 15 years for settlement while bankers get three is not a policy, it's a value statement.
SpaceNews
Iceye Expands to Six Countries, Because Apparently Everyone Wants Their Own Spy Satellites Now
Iceye expands to six countries, raises $1 billion, and plans to build two satellites per week because apparently everyone wants their own spy satellites now.
The Guardian
Farmers Rediscover Ancient Hedge Laying, Because Nature Had It Right All Along
Farmers are reviving the ancient craft of hedge laying to fight climate change, because apparently the 18th century had some good ideas after all.
BBC World
Netherlands Rail Network Thwarted by Mysterious Pipe-Wielding Saboteurs, Because Apparently Trains Can't Just Run on Time
Dutch rail network crippled by metal pipes on tracks - because nothing says "sabotage" like a Home Depot clearance sale.
The Verge
Microsoft's Record-Breaking Patch Breaks Things, Emergency Patch Fixes Them
Microsoft's biggest patch ever breaks stuff, so it issues an emergency patch. Again.
The Guardian
Australia's Steel Industry and Fashion Brands Both Face a Rough Patch, Because Nothing Says 'Lucky Country' Like Simultaneous Collapse
Australia's steel industry hangs by a 60-year-old furnace thread while Cue and Veronika Maine face collapse, because apparently diversification means losing everything at once.
The Guardian Europe
China Miéville Writes Novel Over 20 Years, Also Casually Writes Six Other Books, Because Why Not
China Miéville spent 20 years writing a cold war paranormal epic, and also somehow wrote six other novels, because he apparently doesn't believe in sleep.
BBC Business
Charities to Struggling Islanders: Please Die Generously
Jersey charities say any legacy gift helps, even as the cost of living crisis makes people clutch their wallets - and their estates - a little tighter.
The Guardian
Ebola Outbreak in DRC Reportedly Peaks, Because Apparently Viruses Also Get Tired
Congolese authorities say the Ebola outbreak has peaked as cases drop from 120 to 80 a day, which is progress, in the way that a smaller hurricane is progress.
The Atlantic
Supreme Court to Trump: You Can't Just Break the Mail to Own the Libs
Supreme Court blocks Trump's plan to make mail-in voting impossible, proving that even this Court has limits - or at least a fear of total chaos.
ScienceDaily
Plague Was Wiping Out Families 5,500 Years Ago, Because Of Course It Was
New research finds plague was killing entire hunter-gatherer families 5,500 years ago, long before rats and medieval cities got the blame.
TechCrunch
OpenAI Buys Camera Startup for $300M, Because Nothing Says 'AI' Like Finally Fixing Your Phone's Portrait Mode
OpenAI drops $300M on a camera startup founded by ex-Apple engineers, because apparently AI can't fix your blurry photos without buying the people who made Portrait Mode.
The Atlantic
Trump Takes Credit for Mild Hurricane Season, Because Sure, Why Not
Trump takes credit for a quiet Atlantic hurricane season, because nothing says 'presidential' like claiming victory over weather patterns.
The Good Times
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