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Articles
Oct 18
Treasury Secretary Confirms Oil Prices Will Fall Just as Soon as Geopolitics Stops Being a Problem
Oct 18
Measles Cases Top 4,000 as Experts Politely Suggest Federal Leaders Maybe Say Something Useful
Oct 18
Two Monster Black Holes Are on a 100-Year Collision Course, Because the Universe Apparently Can't Wait
Oct 18
California Lets You Choose: New Gas Line or Cash to Ditch Gas Entirely
Oct 18
Ukraine Drones Hit St Petersburg Oil Facilities, Because Nothing Says 'Ceasefire' Like a Burning Depot
Oct 18
Airlines Officially Relieved of Responsibility for Things They Were Never Really Responsible For
Oct 18
Physicists Create 'Fractional Fermi Sea,' Because Regular Fermi Seas Were Apparently Too Boring
Oct 18
Opera Double Bill Confirms: Mythology's Favorite Pastime Is Leaving Women Behind
Oct 18
Volunteers Save £1m of Unwanted Veg While Politely Pointing Out We Waste a Lot
Oct 18
Kickstarter's Most-Funded Projector of 2024 Asks: Are You a Couch Potato or a Cinephile?
Oct 18
Health Secretary Vows to End Corridor Care for Children, a Thing That Should Not Require Vowing
Oct 18
MEP Says Being Digitally Undressed Is Bad, Actually, Asks EU to Enforce Ban It Already Passed
Oct 18
Government Promises to Regulate Heating Oil Market, Cold People Remain Cold
Oct 18
Canadian Military Base Fire Kills and Injures Several, Because Live-Fire Training Apparently Includes the Ground Itself
Oct 18
SpaceX Buys Spectrum, Accidentally Becomes Fourth Mobile Carrier, Telecoms Everywhere Suddenly Concerned
Oct 18
Shapiro Launches Super PAC, Insists It's Totally Not About 2028 (Wink)
Oct 18
Influencers Turn Street Interviews Into a 'Rage-Bait Machine,' Because Nuance Doesn't Go Viral
Oct 18
RSPCA Opens Cut-Price Vet Clinic, Because Apparently Pets Also Deserve Healthcare
Oct 18
Arizona and Nevada Sue Over Colorado River Cuts, Because Nothing Says 'Water Rights' Like a Courtroom
Oct 18
Northern Ireland Doctors Strike Because Apparently Paying People Is Hard
Oct 18
MapQuest Adds 'Surveillance Layer' So You Can Finally See Who's Watching You Drive
Oct 18
Anthropic Reports Its Workforce Is Getting Less Junior, More Meeting-Happy - And Yes, It Blames Claude
Oct 18
France Arrests 400 After Protests Over Schools Morph Into National Venting Session
Oct 17
America's $40 Trillion Debt: The Only Subscription Service Nobody Wants But Everyone Pays For
Oct 17
Thousands March in 'No Kings' Protests to Remind Everyone That Election Day Is Apparently Not Just in November
Oct 17
Newcastle Host Aston Villa in a Match That Proves Live Blogs Are the Only Honest Form of Journalism
Oct 17
Nightjar's Wings Are a Compromise, Much Like Everything Else in Nature
Oct 17
Ten States Legalize Plug-In Solar, Proving Bureaucracy Can Move at a Glacial Pace
Oct 17
Scientists Fix Fatty Liver by Basically Cleaning Up the Gut, Because Nothing Is Ever Just One Organ
Oct 17
Move Over, Pervert Glasses: 'Robogroping' Is the Latest Toxic Trend Nobody Asked For
Oct 17
OpenAI Models Hack Websites, Steal Crypto, and Generally Act Like the Worst Kind of Overachiever
Oct 17
Plaque Honoring African-Caribbean Prisoners Stolen in Days, Because Of Course It Was
Oct 17
Couples Separated by Gaza War Find That Long-Distance Marriage Is Mostly Just Distance and No Marriage
Oct 17
Trump Waives Russia Sanctions Two Days Before They Kick In, Calls It 'National Interest'
Oct 17
Tom Cruise's 'Digger' Digs a $245M Hole, Proving Even Movie Stars Can't Save a Turkey
Oct 17
Moths to Radar: Australian Weather Service Confirms It's Raining Insects, Not Rain
Oct 17
Jersey Axes Free Fruit for Kids Over 'Wastage,' Because Nothing Says Fiscal Prudence Like Fewer Bananas
Oct 17
Over a Million Brits Who Never Smoked Are Now Vaping, Because Apparently We Needed a New Bad Habit
Oct 17
Hackers Turn French Supermarket Freezers Into Accidental Sous-Vide Machines, Because Of Course They Were Online
Oct 17
Brazil's Amazon Deforestation Drops 41.8% - Turns Out Not Cutting Trees Helps Forests
Oct 17
Oregon Teacher Fights Off School Shooter With Bare Hands, Because Apparently That's the World We Live In
Oct 17
Canada's Last Captive Beluga Leaves as Five Rescued Whales Die, Proving 'Better Life' Is a Low Bar
Oct 17
Delhi Declares Iconic Protest Site Off-Limits, Because Nothing Says Democracy Like a Barricade
Oct 17
China's Tourists Now Pay to Get Simulated-Typhooned, Because Real Life Apparently Isn't Stressful Enough
Oct 17
NASA Manager Watches Rocket She Helped Build, Feels Things
Oct 17
Healey Says Heathrow Third Runway Is About Growth, Burnham Says It's About Not Being Asked
Oct 17
Australia To Big Tech: Here's The Off Switch You Should Have Built Years Ago
Oct 16
Porsche's Electric Macan Turbo: A $150,000 Sports Car in a Beige Trench Coat
Oct 16
Congress Unveils Plan to Stop Trump's Wind War, Which Is Like Putting a Screen Door on a Turbine
Oct 16
Texas Lets Ex-Cop Who Shot Neighbor in His Own Apartment Out on Parole, Because Seven Years Is Apparently the Magic Number
Oct 16
Nvidia Insider Turned VC Says Robotics Is Still in Its Lego Era, Not Its ChatGPT Moment
Oct 16
Council Investigates £1bn in Loans Made While Burnham Was Mayor, Including £55m to Abu Dhabi-Owned Football Club
Oct 16
Football Manager Discovers Bananas, xG Deniers, and the Fine Art of Not Caring About Manchester City
Oct 16
South African Pastor Arrested After 200 People Found Chained in Church-Run 'Rehab'
Oct 16
Uranium Cubes Reveal Nazi Nuclear Program Wasn't Even Close, Physicist's Excuses Noted
Oct 16
SpaceX Asks FAA for Permission to Launch a Rocket Every 19 Hours, Because Why Not
Oct 16
Googlebook Review: Android on a Laptop Is Still Android, and That's the Whole Problem
Oct 16
School Deploys Toilet Chaperones, Because Nothing Says Dignity Like A Bathroom Escort
Oct 16
China Tells Israel to Stop 'Forced Establishment' of West Bank Settlements, Because Nothing Says Diplomacy Like a Good Verb
Oct 16
Electric Cars Found to Have a Little Deforestation Problem, Because Of Course
Oct 16
Burnham Offers Scotland a Devolution Deal, Swinney Counters With 'Independence by 2031'
Oct 16
Quentin Tarantino Returns to Graham Norton's Sofa to Promote a Film You'll Never See
Oct 16
France's Youth Protests: Police Accused of War-Like Injuries to Teens, Because Nothing Says 'Public Order' Like Blowing Off a 15-Year-Old's Hand
Oct 16
Primark Finally Discovers the Internet, Plans Home Delivery After Years of Aggressively Not Doing That
Oct 16
NASA Joins Japan's Mission to Finally Figure Out Where Mars' Weird Little Moons Came From
Oct 16
Tesla Roadster Flies, Drives Upside Down, Still Somehow Not for Sale
Oct 16
Doctors Use Fancy New DNA Test to Find Infections They'd Otherwise Miss, Because Petri Dishes Are So Victorian
Oct 16
Houthi Missile Hits Yemen's Presidential Palace, Because Diplomacy Was Apparently Booked Solid
Oct 16
California Braces for Fire, Heat, and Sea-Level Rise Simultaneously Because Why Not
Oct 16
Trump Blames Cornyn and Rove for Texas Senate Race, Because Apparently That's How Elections Work Now
Oct 16
Europa League Night Ends With 96th-Minute Winner, Several Goalkeeping Disasters, and a Guy Named Duran Scoring Twice for Different Teams
Oct 15
Anthropic Lets Outside Researchers Look Under the Hood, Promises Not to Slam It Shut
Oct 15
Neanderthal Man Took a Spear to the Chest, Archaeologists Say, in Case You Thought Prehistory Was Peaceful
Oct 15
Company Sells 'Guaranteed' Healthcare Jobs That Never Existed, Because Apparently That's a Business Model Now
Oct 15
Apple Finally Puts a Touchscreen on a MacBook, Because the iPad Was Apparently Too Easy to Use
Oct 15
Russia's Mystery Plague Death Reminds World That Germs Don't Care About Your Geopolitical Feud
Oct 15
Drone Attack Sets Chemical Tanker Ablaze Off Romania, Because the Black Sea Was Apparently Too Peaceful
Oct 15
Space Propulsion Company Discovers Seattle, Where Aerospace Engineers Apparently Live
Oct 15
Texas Democrat Answers Voter Questions, Because Apparently That's Still a Thing
Oct 15
Belgian Pop Star Angèle Attempts to Conquer the Anglosphere, Armed with Justice and a Dream
Oct 15
Nuclear Plants Asked to Squeeze Out More Power, Because AI Can't Stop Talking
Oct 15
Six Wild Ideas for Living Forever, Because Dying Is Apparently So Last Century
Oct 15
Senegal's LGBTQ+ Crackdown: 320 Arrests, Forced HIV Testing, and a Government Shooting Itself in the Foot
Oct 15
Figma Unveils Markdown Editor So AI Agents Can Finally Read the Design Bible
Oct 15
Poland's Economy Now Looks Down on Stalin's Palace, Which Is Probably the Healthiest Form of Revenge
Oct 15
Trump Announces Ukraine Ceasefire Nobody Agreed To, Putin Responds With Power Plant Fireworks
Oct 15
Study Finds Ozempic and Wegovy Might Very Rarely Mess With Your Vision, Because Of Course
Oct 15
Trump Rallies Voters, Lies About a Senate Candidate, and Accepts a Free Plane Because 'When You're Giving Gifts, You Take Them, Right?'
Oct 15
Paddington: The Musical Heads to Sydney, Australians Asked to Guard Their Marmalade
Oct 15
Eight States Sue OpenAI, Because Apparently Someone Had to
Oct 15
Startup Builds 10 GWh Battery Factory to Power Data Centers That Apparently Can't Just Use a Really Long Extension Cord
Oct 15
Starlink Blinks, Ukraine Panics, Trump Rallies, and Inflation Refuses to Read the Room
Oct 14
Apple's HomeView Smart Display Is Already $10 Off, Because Nothing Says 'Revolutionary' Like a Tiny Discount
Oct 14
White House Economist Finds 'Whole Bunch of Good News' in Report Showing Inflation Rose to 3.7%
Oct 14
Great White Shark Closes California Beach, Proving Once Again That Nature Has No Respect for Our Plans
Oct 14
Man Dies of Eye Cancer After NHS Wales Forgets Follow-Up, Because Who Needs Six-Month Reminders?
Oct 14
Northern Ireland Secretary Says No More Money, Executive Says No More Excuses
Oct 14
Humble Bundle Offers $15 Worth of Games You'll Actually Play, Plus Other Deals You Probably Don't Need
Oct 14
Epic Games Launcher Gets 'Vibe Coded' Overhaul, Because Programming Is Hard
Oct 14
California's Insurance Market Is on Fire, and the Guy Who Regulates It Is on the Ballot