For years, a woman has been the designated family caregiver for her mother, handling holidays and emotional labor while three other siblings apparently took a permanent vacation from responsibility. Now, with a big birthday trip abroad on the horizon, one brother decided the most helpful thing he could do was call her a fool for doing what nobody else would.
The reader, who has young children and a tight budget, reports that family holidays must always suit "Granny" - resulting in less adventurous, more expensive trips than her siblings enjoy. There's also a wild inequality in the inheritance, with the lion's share going to the eldest brother, and a history of Mum helping with his children while refusing to babysit hers even for an evening.
Advice columnist Annalisa Barbieri, after presumably picking her jaw up off the floor, points out that the real fools here are the siblings who berate the one person actually showing up. UK Council for Psychotherapy-registered psychotherapist Prof Hannah Sherbersky suggests reframing the situation: "What if you are not being hoodwinked, rather it's a wonderful act of generosity on your part, providing some special memories for your mum?"
The ultimate advice: find the sweet spot between duty and desire, set boundaries, and perhaps skip this year's holiday while planning for 2027 - no excuses required when you're leading from the front.