Amazon, in a move that surprises absolutely no one, announced Monday that it is opening its global logistics network to all businesses. The new service, dubbed Amazon Supply Chain Services, pits the e-commerce juggernaut directly against UPS and FedEx - because why let someone else handle your packages when you can handle them yourself, with the same level of efficiency but more Prime branding?

The service throws open the doors to Amazon's freight, distribution, fulfillment, and parcel shipping capabilities for businesses of all types and sizes. That includes industries like healthcare, automotive, manufacturing, and retail - basically anyone who has ever shipped a box and thought, 'You know what this needs? More of Jeff Bezos' touch.'

With this launch, Amazon is essentially taking the logistics service it has been quietly perfecting for its thousands of independent third-party sellers and turning it into a shiny new product for any business. It's like turning a well-oiled machine into a rental service, but with more algorithms.

'Amazon is bringing the infrastructure, intelligence, and scale of its supply chain services - proven over decades - to businesses everywhere, much like Amazon Web Services did for cloud computing,' said Peter Larsen, vice president of Amazon Supply Chain Services, in a blog post that probably had a few too many buzzwords.

And for those keeping score at home, Proctor & Gamble, 3M, Lands' End, and American Eagle Outfitters have already signed up. Because nothing says 'competition' like your rivals using your delivery vans.