In a revelation that will surprise no one who has ever met a woman over 50, a mid-50s divorcee has discovered that menopause can actually crank up the libido, not kill it. Vivian, as we'll call her because the names have been changed to protect the mildly scandalous, told The Guardian that after her sister's sage advice to 'use it or lose it,' she bought a vibrator, had her first orgasm ever, and started listening to sex podcasts. Naturally, this sexual awakening coincided with some flirty texting with Thomas, a married man. Because why start a new chapter with a simple, uncomplicated dalliance when you can add a dash of infidelity?

Vivian admits the fact that Thomas was still married made it more exciting - a detail she justified by convincing herself his marriage was sexless. They first had sex seven months before Thomas left his wife, and Vivian assumed it would be a one-off. Instead, she discovered what it's like to be with someone who actually cares about her pleasure, a concept her ex-husband apparently never grasped. Now, she'd happily have sex every other day, but Thomas's libido has declined, and they're down to twice a week. She worries about aging and attractiveness, but for her, sex is connection and reassurance.

Thomas, for his part, has his own tale of woe. He joined a swimming club fourteen years ago, noticed Vivian's physical fitness and caring nature, and imagined her husband was a TV-watching bore. Their first sexual encounter, attempted after a lake swim, was a soggy disaster - the sheets stuck to their damp bodies, and Thomas couldn't maintain an erection. But they laughed it off, because nothing says romance like flaccid failure in a damp bed.

Thomas struggles with a lower sex drive and takes a couple of days to recharge, which Vivian misinterprets as personal rejection. He misses his youthful erections and grieves his lost libido, but he finds comfort in non-sexual intimacy, like Vivian's hugs. And so, two people with mismatched drives navigate their post-midlife sexuality, proving that love, or at least a good hug, can conquer even the most uncooperative of body parts.