In a move that will surprise absolutely no one who has been paying attention to Moscow's dining scene, a woman decided that a quiet evening at a restaurant was the perfect time to test out her homemade explosive device. The result? At least three people are dead, 21 are injured, and the restaurant's Yelp review is probably going to be a murder scene.

The incident unfolded at around 20:00 local time (17:00 GMT) on Kudrinskaya square, near the city centre, where the woman reportedly tried to enter the establishment but was stopped by a security guard. Ever the overachiever, she blew herself up, taking the guard and a restaurant visitor with her. The National Anti-Terrorist Committee (NAK) confirmed the details, presumably while rolling their eyes at the audacity.

Witnesses on Telegram, because where else would you get breaking news these days, said the venue was hosting a private function. They described people being brought out covered in blood, which is generally not a good sign for the catering. Initial reports suggested the blast happened in the kitchen, but the restaurant later issued a statement insisting everything was fine inside and that "there was a problem outside." Because nothing says 'problem outside' like a suicide bomber at the door.

Roads around the square were briefly closed, disrupting a planned evening bicycle ride for dozens of cyclists. The event was cancelled, which is probably for the best, as cycling through a crime scene tends to ruin the vibe. Video released by Russia's RIA news agency showed heavily armed law enforcement officers at the scene, which had been closed off to the public. Because nothing says 'family dining' like a cordon and a SWAT team.