Telstra has issued a groveling apology after a major mobile network outage that began around 4:30 AM left customers unable to make calls, use data, or process Eftpos transactions. The company’s CFO, Michael Ackland, held a press conference to explain that the issue stemmed from a problem with nodes that keep time across the mobile network, which caused intermittent disruptions nationwide. By the time he spoke, about 90% of calls and data had been restored, but the damage was done: V/Line trains in Victoria ground to a halt, NSW Southern Highlands and Maitland services were suspended, and Eftpos provider Tyro reported transaction troubles. Telstra assured the public it was conducting welfare checks on any failed triple-zero calls, while emergency services scrambled to reassure everyone that triple zero was still reachable via other carriers. “We’re so sorry,” Telstra said, in what we assume was a carefully crafted statement drafted while engineers frantically rebooted servers.

In other news, Queensland’s prison system isn’t doing great either. A state audit found that 44% of released prisoners return to jail within two years, thanks to a rehabilitation framework that’s been rolled out in only 9 of 20 correctional centres. The audit noted that less than half of prisoners released in 2024 - 25 got prerelease support like help setting up bank accounts. The Department of Corrective Services accepted all recommendations, which is nice.

Meanwhile, a 39-year-old woman was found stabbed to death at a Melbourne home in Vermont, and a man of the same age has been arrested and is under police guard in hospital. Police believe they knew each other. The investigation continues.

And if you thought AI was just for writing bad poetry, think again: Turnitin reports that 53% of Australian university submissions contained some AI-generated content, with one in ten being over 80% AI. That’s slightly less than the US (19% over 80% AI) but still enough to make professors everywhere question their grading rubrics.